Drinking

I find that indulging in the occasional glass of "falling down" water is a splendid way to stimulate the creative juices, and relieve stress.

I commend this practice to others.

The Meaning of Life

Mankind has pondered the meaning of life, throughout the ages.

I for one would like to suggest that, instead of diverting your mental energies into trying to fathom the unfathomable, you embrace life and enjoy as fully as possible.

Too much is not enough!

Change

People fear change, why?

Change is vital for growth and development.

Individuals and societies that don't embrace change ossify and die.

Therefore, if you want to live and grow, emabrace and welcome change.

Look Yourself in the Mirror

My father has always stood by the following maxim, which I wholeheartedly endorse and commend:

"live your life and act with honour; so that you are able to look yourself in the eye in the monring, in the mirror when you are shaving".

Arrogant Vegetarianism

There are some vegetarians who seek to impose their eating habits on others, and arrogantly look down their noses in disdain at the meat eating majority.

Remember this, Hitler was a vegetarian.

Soap Operas

People complain about films and dramas on television and in the cinema, which contain vast amounts of sex and violence. They worry that the daily diet of blazing guns, pneumatic boobs and profanities will undermine society.

I doubt that very much, the real “threat to society” comes from the more mundane daily diet of soap operas.

The setting of these more closely resembles the viewers’ lives than any Hollywood blockbuster could ever hope for, or indeed aims for.

As people more closely identify with the soaps, so do they seek to emulate the actions of the characters within them. The shows contain a daily diet of backbiting, odious behaviour and aggression between neighbours and family members.

Each episode is designed to pull the viewer through an emotional roller coaster ride; and ensure that at the end of the half hour they are sitting on the edge of their seat, waiting for the next episode.

The trouble is, life is really not as exciting as that; the viewers sit back at the end of the episode and look for the same “real life” stimulation that they enjoyed in the soap. It is nowhere to be found. This lack of stimulation leads to a cycle of depression and frustration, which viewers vent on each other and society.

In my view soap operas are the real danger to society.

Cyclists

Here's a simple piece of advice to cyclists.

When you are cycling on a road, and approaching a traffic light that is red; do yourself and other road users a favour, stop at the bloody thing!

Internal Auditing

There is a pint glass

It contains 1/2 a pint of milk

The optimistic manager says that it is half full

The pessimistic manager says that it is half empty

The internal auditor says that the milk is sour.

Using Your Home as an Investment

The UK has, for the last few years, been experiencing a boom in house prices. Double-digit annual growth has become the norm.

The result has been a feel good factor, among the home owning classes; as they perceive their personal wealth to be increasing exponentially.

Pepped up by their new wealth, they have indulged in an orgy of consumerism; financed by credit secured against their homes.

I warn you of two problems with this:

• Bull cycles (upward price appreciation) do not last forever, there will be a downturn.



• Borrowing long to invest short is foolhardy in the extreme.

My advice to these foolhardy people is as follows; don’t treat your home as an investment, you have to live somewhere.

Carry on like this and you will be swamped by debt, which you can’t service; which will result in you having nowhere to live.

Adversity

When things and events in peoples' lives are not going their way, and they are faced with adversity, they are tempted to ask the question:

"Why me God?"

My answer is simple:

"Because you're here!".

Money

Money is the best, most efficient means yet devised to motivate people to work on projects and tasks that benefit all.

Money also encourages people to behave in totally abominable ways towards each other.

It is, in essence, the most perfect example of the "ying and yang" nature of life.

The European Union

The European Union will fail; as the citizens of Europe will one day wake up and realise that they do not have the ability to kick out the unelected bureaucrats and bankers in Brussels, who set the fiscal and monetary policies that affect everyone living in Europe.

Without that democratic safety valve, European society and social order will break down as the citizens of Europe take to the streets.

Democracy

Churchill once said that whilst democracy may not be perfect, it is the best system of governance we have got.

I agree, whilst democracy may well ensure that we are burdened, more often than not, with politicians who underperform and who are far from suitable for their job; it does give us the ability to kick them out of office every four to five years.

Safe in that knowledge, citizens of democratic countries sleep soundly in their beds and tend (apart from on a few occasions) not to riot.

Democracy is by far the best method to maintain a civilised society and social order; as it provides a safety valve for people to vent their frustrations upon the ruling elite, by voting them out of office.

Teenagers

Many complain about the behaviour of teenagers; sullen, sulky, selfish are a few of the terms used to describe them.

Yet are they entirely to blame?

The marketing aimed at them by the well known international brand names, pumped through the media; convinces them that they are the centre of universe.

Their parents give in to their every whim, and finance their every indulgence.

Is is any wonder that they behave as they do?

Cats

Cats, in my opinion, are by far one of nature's most intelligent domestic pets.

They do exactly what they want, when they want.

Unlike dogs they do not need to be walked, they even clean up their own mess.

Cats rule!

Politicians

Individuals who think themselves better than the rest of us.

They are happy to take our money (by way of taxes), and promise us the earth (at election time).

However, they are incompetent at their jobs and strangely unresponsive to the issues raised by the electorate.

I have yet to be convinced that they serve any useful purpose.

Ambition

Achieve all that is achieveable, then despise your achievements absolutely.

A Drinking Salutation

I commend the following salutation, use it whenever drinking with friends:

"Here's to those that wish us well

The others

They can go to hell!."

Relationships

If you want to maintain a loving, caring and stable relationship don't screw around.

If you must screw around, then use a condom.

Hunger

Hunger is the best spice.

Waste Not, Want Not

My parents lived through WWII, and were used to rationing and food shortages. Therefore, to them, wasting food is disgusting and abhorrent; their motto is “waste not, want not”.

I am pleased to say that they have instilled this splendid dictum in me. I do not waste a scrap of food; even cold Brussels sprouts are used in the traditional dish of bubble and squeak.

The Western world is currently gorging itself into a state of obesity; throwing away all that is deemed to be old and tired, craving instead all that is new and stimulating.

There will come a time when we will be consuming more than we can produce, and shortages will be commonplace.

In order to avoid this, I commend that you follow my parents’ dictum “waste not, want not”.

Obesity

The Western world is plagued by an epidemic of obesity.

People seek miracle “snake oil” cures, in the form of celebrity and fashionable diets. These “diets” range from high fibre to high protein low carbohydrate; you name it, the celebrities and companies market it.

Here is my solution to the obesity epidemic, neither sexy nor easy; eat less, exercise more!.

Governments and Taxes

A government’s prime role is to tax the individual.

Governments constantly look for new, and ingenious, methods to extract more money from the hapless voter.

If governments could, they would tax sex; this is the one area of taxation where avoidance measures would not be proactively sought.

After all who would publicly admit that weren’t “getting any”?

Bananas

Bananas are nature's fast food. They contain all the vitamins and nutrients necessary to cure a hangover, and to kick start your day.

They even come in their own biodegradable wrapper.

Ronald MacDonald and Colonel Sanders would do well to copy their example.

Flies

Where do flies go in the winter?

Life After Death

The answer to the question, "is there life after death" can only be answered when I die.

As I intend to live for ever, I don't expect to be able to answer this question.

So far so good!

God

God may well exist, and indeed may be the "first one" in the universe. However, how do we know that God created the universe?

We only have God's word for it, after all.