Unwanted Downloads

Those of you who find that their pc's slow down at critical moments, owing to the machine deciding to download an update to some existing software, may find the following solution invaluable.

Take an axe to it.

That will teach it!

No Winners

Whenever the phrase "there were no winners" is used, you can be sure that the person saying this actually means "we lost".

At The Table

Sometimes it is better to be at the table talking, and getting nowhere, rather than to stop talking altogether.

Meetings

Forget about reading the formal minutes of meetings; instead, ask each participant to provide a summary of the meeting from their perspective.

Confidence Building

Confidence building in education should not be an end in itself.

Target Practice

If people are shooting at you, then you know that you are doing something right.

Hope

Hope should not form any part of a business plan or company strategy.

Politicians

Beware the politician who says that he will leave office at an unspecified date many months into the future.

That politician has no intention of leaving office.

Quotes

When asking for a quote for a service or product, always make sure that you know exactly what you want before requesting a quote.

Customer Relations Department

Customer Relations Department=Department of Obfuscation and Delays

Alliances of Moderation

So called "alliances of moderation" should not include extremists, dictatorships and bigots.

Departing Presidents and Prime Ministers

Beware departing presidents and prime minister with legacies to embellish.

Photo Shoots

Never do photo shoots during the Christmas gorging period.

Tents

It is far better to have people inside the tent pissing out, rather than have them outside the tent pissing in.

Quotations

Don't ask people or companies to provide you with a quotation for goods or services, knowing that you do not have the means to pay for them.

Drawing Conclusions

Sometimes it is better to allow a person, or organisation, to draw the correct conclusion at their own pace rather than to force the issue at your pace.

Moral Clarity

Whenever I hear the phrase "moral clarity", I instinctively reach for my revolver.

Sanctions

Sanctions are the most effective method of unifying a country, and strengthening the leadership of that country.

Don't believe me?

Just ask Fidel Castro.

Great Contradictions of The 21st Century

Customer care help centres.