Advice To The Republican Party

You claim to love America, yet it would seem that large sections of your party hates/proactively dislikes many of the citizens of America (eg gays, lesbians, democrats, Muslims, non whites, Hispanics, non Christians, socialists, the unemployed, single parents, those who favour abortion, stem cell research supporters etc).

How can this contradiction be good for either the party, or the country?

You cannot hope, nor do you deserve, to retain political power whilst fostering and fermenting such hatred.

Great Con Tricks of The 21st Century

Customer "care" phone numbers that charge the customer premium rate.

How To Spot a Conman

Anyone who employs a valet, but has no discernible income or savings is clearly milking another cow not necessarily with the owner's consent.

Advice To Presidential Candidates

Count he number of houses that you own, and write the figure down of a piece of paper so that you don't forget.

Advice To A Certain Webhosting Company

If you don't want your name trashed on the web, I strongly suggest that you get my main site back up and working asap!

Woodworm Holes

Woodworm holes are not necessarily such a bad thing. The holes indicate that the worms have taken flight and departed.

Wood with no holes may in fact conceal far greater horrors.

Advice to Presidents

When you are telling Russia that it is "infra dig" to invade other countries in the 21st century, do remember that you did the same.

Unanswered Emails

Emails that remain unanswered fester like a pus filled scab.

Advice To Gordon Brown

Don't allow the meltdown in your party and infighting between the Treasury and Number 10 to cause a meltdown in the economy.

Relationships

Never take any lover for granted, always tell them how you feel for them.

Home Offices

Home offices only work when those who live in the home realise that they are a place of work, not idle chit chat.

Bullshit Phrases of the 21st Century

"We appreciate your concern..."

Advice To Estate Agents

Note down your client's mobile phone number if you expect to make that sale!

The British Summer

Complete bollocks!

Advice To Departing Presidents

Legacies are not built on end of term farewell world tours.

Stars

Stars, to achieve thier destiny in the heavens, must burn themselves out; so it is with some humans.

Forecasting

The secret of forecasting is to do it often!