Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please don't secrete yourself underneath the floorboards whilst we are having them sanded and renovated.

Bubble and Squeak

Bubble and squeak is a most efficacious hangover cure.

Advice To My Mobile Phone Service Provider

God help you if I find out that one of your staff has sold on my details to a rival company.

Advice To Virgin Helpdesk

When you say you will call me back, call me back!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

When having a fur ball it is advisable to stand still, rather than run and vomit, thereby minimising the collateral damage.

Advice To Politicians

Don't use memorials for dead service personnel for your own self serving photo opportunities.

"Congratulations"

"Congratulations" to the newly unelected, unknown appointees of the EU non positions of "President" and "Foreign Minister"; they have proven what knew all along, namely that the EU is a costly, bureaucratic, undemocratic waste of space.

Zero Sum Games

Zero sum games are no longer a valid means of conflict resolution.

The Rules of The Game

He who makes the rules, controls the game.

A Question For Gordon Brown

Protecting this country from terrorist attack by fighting in Afghanistan may, or may not, "improve" our security.

However, other countries in the Middle East and Pakistan have a far greater connection to terrorism (eg via funding, supplying arms and training) than Afghanistan.

Are you sure our efforts are being focused in the correct area?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Holding impromptu races with your cat friend from next door, at 1:30AM in our bedroom, is a tad disruptive to our sleep.

Circumstances

Whilst it is not always possible to control the circumstances one finds oneself in, one should at least try to control the reaction to those circumstances.

Advice To Lottery Winners

Don't let the media identify you, you will end up spending the rest of your life receiving begging letters and hate mail.

Success

Success is sometimes harder than failure. However, the money is usually better.

Advice To Electricshopping.com

Update your website to show what products are really in stock, and which aren't; that way your customers won't waste time and money paying for products that you can't deliver until after Christmas.

The State

The state has become the enemy of the people.

Advice To Tony Blair II

As predicted, Brown's support for you has all but doomed your chances of becoming President of Europe.

Maybe that was his intention?

Advice To LA Fitness Brighton

1 Buy some more towels, or

2 Find a more professional laundry service, or

3 Buy a washing machine and launder the towels yourselves.

Elections

Question: When is an election not an election?

Answer: When it is held in Afghanistan and the other contender pulls out.

Question To LA Fitness Brighton

What is the point of being a member of your club if the pool and spa are closed and, on top of that, you have no towels?

Question To The Gnomes Running The EU

How can you appoint a President of Europe without asking the people of Europe who they want to be their president?