Happy New Year

I wish you all a happy, peaceful and prosperous 2010.

Terrorism and Religion

Those who seek to use God as an excuse for venting their anger, hatred, jealousy and paranoia via wanton acts of violence/terrorism should desist.

In the unlikely event God exists, he/she/it would be highly pissed off at being used as an excuse for violence.

Advice To Manufacturers of Christmas Lights

Make them in single lines, not loops.

Advice To The Leader of Brighton and Hove Council

Pride comes before a fall!

Advice To Eurostar

Revert to steam trains, they are better able to cope with snow.

Advice To Politicians

Bell towers do not endear you to us, the voting public.

Libation

The word "libation" is used far too seldom these days.

Advice To Politicians

Keep away from Wootton Bassett.

Advice To Supermarkets

We are not quite yet a third world country. It would therefore be appreciated if you kept your shelves stocked with the basic produce that you claim to sell.

Advice To Tradesmen

When you can't make an appointment on time, call to let me know!

Fingers and Thumbs

The fingers and thumb of your hand may be different to each other, but you still need all of them to make a fist.

Unwelcome Surprises

It is unwise for subsidiary companies to shield their holding companies from "bad" news.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Don't let the neighbour's fat moggy, who has sneaked in through the cat flap, scoff your food in the middle of the night.