Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Moths do not speak "cat", therefore it is a waste of time meowing to them.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

I am pleased that you have heeded my advice re the ironing board not being a threat, and that you now seem to be less afraid of it.

However, maybe you could refrain from using it as a springboard from which to jump onto my stomach when I am reclining near by?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The ironing board is not a predator, nor does it present a clear and present danger to your safety.

Blockades

Blockades lead to war, be very certain that is what you want when you apply them.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please do not eat slug pellets.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Dead moths in your mouth are not really suitable for parading with pride in our kitchen.

Living In The Past

Those who wallow in past battles and wars (either in self pity or self congratulations) are condemned never to move forward into the future.

Advice To The US Senate

The Scottish legal system is autonomous from the English one.

Advice To Restaurants

Where you have an online resevration system on your website, for fark's sake use one that actually works!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Helicopters are not prey.

Coincidence

There is ALWAYS such a thing as coincidence!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The wind rustling the curtains does not, under normal circumstances, constitute a threat to your safety.

Advice To Sky Call Centre

Given that we have told you that MrX does not live at our address, and that we do not have (nor ever had) a Sky account, kindly stop ringing us and delete our phone number from your records.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

When "presenting" fur balls please could you use your tray, or even the garden, rather than our newly cleaned Chinese rug?

Advice To Peter Mandelson

Learn to have a little humility.

Advice To Self

When "cutting and pasting" it is advisable to complete both parts of the operation before going on to "cut" again.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Bringing your friends over is very nice, but do you all have to run up and down all the stairs of our house at 4am?

Funerals

Funerals would be much easier to organise without the input of family and priests.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please wipe your paws after trying to climb the chimneys of our fireplaces.

Advice To Hotmail

Get your act together.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Potato salad (with chives and spring onions) is really not to your taste, honest!

Facts

When acting in haste to "prove" your standpoint, always make sure that your "facts" match reality.