Colonic Matters

Why are all my regular spammers now focusing on offering me colonic irrigation?

Christmas Lights

Why do Christmas lights invariably come on a loop, instead of a one straight length of cable?

This makes them very unwieldy.

The End of The Year

As the end of year approaches, it is comforting to know that there are less than ten spamming days left in 2011 whereby I can be told by strangers that my penis is remarkably small!

Great Lies of Today - Train Fare Increases

"Money raised by increased fares helps pay for new trains, faster services and better stations."

ROFLOL!!!

The Wisdom of The Nightingale

The nightingale does not waste its breath trying to sing, when it knows that its song will be drowned by the cackle of crows.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Eva's earrings are not cat toys.

Advice To Politicians

Please leave the country.

Winter

Hail and wind one day, sunshine the next.

Only in Britain!

Advice To Virgin Media

Please sort out the ongoing technical problems with your broadband and TV service in my area!

Advice To Parliament

Calm down "dears", Cameron hasn't vetoed anything; he has merely not signed up to something.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Why don't you go and play with the nice "Teddy Bear" cat that comes to visit the garden everyday?

It's rude just to sit and ignore him/her!

Advice To Sarkozy and The Eurozone

Size is not everything.

Less is often more!

Euroflummery

Another day, another crucial Euro summit to save the Euro.

Be still my beating heart!

Advice To Angela Merkel

For heaven's sake don't try to create a new EU treaty, in the vain hope that the markets will sit quietly by whilst the "leaders" of Europe pull your proposals apart.

Work with what you've got, and think outside of the box!

A Question For The People of Europe

When did we elect Angela Merkel Chancellor of Europe?

Advice To Majestic Wine

It is unwise to have non accessible pages on your site (eg the Champagne page) in the run up to Christmas.

Advice To Angela Merkel

You don't have years to resolve the Euro crisis!

Advice To Eurozone "Leaders"

Stop publicly falling over yourselves contradicting what each other says.