Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

A to B

The shortest route from A to B may well be a straight line. However, it may well not be the most interesting route.

Jumpers

When donning a jumper, it is important to check that it is not bearing stains from the previous evening's curry.

Advice To Tesco

Don't put pictures of penises on your buttermilk cartons.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Flageolet beans do not normally form part of a cat's diet!

Burying The Hatchet

When burying the hatchet be sure to do so firmly between the shoulder blades of your mortal enemy!

The Voice In Your Head

It is wise to follow the voice in your head.

However, be sure to choose the right voice; otherwise there may be a problem!

Sod's Law

It is the law of sod, that when you need a taxi to take the cat to the vet its takes farking 30 minutes to arrive!

New Leases of Life

New leases of life are not often granted, as and when they are use them to their utmost.

Advice To My PC

Sort out the "unresponsive script" issue, or I will take an axe to you!

Bananas

Bananas are a most efficacious way to start the day.

Advice To Apprentice Candidates

- You are not stealth bombers.

- There can only be 100% of anything tangible.

- Being 90% "handsome" is irrelevant and purely subjective.

etc etc sigh!

Advice To People Who Use Leisure Club Saunas

They are not airing cupboards for your towels!

Chums

A chum is someone who stays in touch on occasions other than when he/she wants money.

Dead Flies

Based on my long term observations of the dead fly on my desk and the one hanging from a spider's web above it, dead flies appear to never rot they merely dry up.

Fascinating!

Bleeding

Never let your colleagues or your enemies see you bleed.

Autumn

Autumn is most certainly here with a vengeance!

Sartorial Advice For Autumn

The onset of Autumn means it is time to pack away the white suit.

Monday Morning

Monday morning did not start well, with me dropping my half eaten banana on the floor and staining my nice white shirt with parsley juice!

A Sunny Start To October

Another sunny day at the start of October!

Here's to global warming!

Garlic Crushers

It is a fundamental law of the universe that garlic crushers are useless!

Question For Microsoft

Whilst it is heartening to see that you have finally got the message that everyone thinks that Windows 8 is bollocks, what happened to Windows 9?

Was that in development, but also deemed to be bollocks pre release?