Title

Ken's Blue Blog
Musings on "the bleedin' obvious"; views on the meaning of life, or anything else that takes my fancy.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Suppliers

The phrase "the customer is king" is only half of the story. Suppliers need to be treated with care and attention as well, piss them off and you will screw your business up.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Advice To Voters

Don't vote for politicians with religious beliefs.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Advice To Prime Ministers

Prime Ministers who have never seen military service should not be so relaxed about wasting the lives of their armed forces on foreign follies.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Turkey

A turkey is for life, not just Christmas.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

World Class

Whenever I hear the phrase "world class", I instinctively reach for my sick bag.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ignorance

No matter how many "celebrities" would have you believe it, it is not clever to be ignorant.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Friends and Enemies

Be nice to your enemies, in case your friends turn out to be bastards.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Governments

Governments have experience of management, they only have experience of policy. That is why governments fail.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Meetings

Beware those who seek to hold important meetings at awkward times or awkward places.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Mediocrity

Mediocrity does not cut the mustard in a competitive environment.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Driving The Message Home

Sometimes the most effective method of driving a message home is via short sharp bullet points, driven home with a sledge hammer.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Partisan Politics

Partisan politics allows the voice of the individual to be heard.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Religion

Those who complain vociferously about jokes made against their religion may not in fact have the depth of faith, or confidence in their religion, that they profess to have.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Threats

The best and most effective of threats are those couched in the language of diplomacy.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Violence

Those who are forced to resort to violence in order to achieve an objective have already lost.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Advice To Former Prime Ministers

Repeatedly saying "I did the right thing" does not necessarily mean that you did.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Advice To Prime Ministers

Possessing and demonstrating a "volcanic temper", when thing go wrong, is not sufficient to prove that you are worthy to be Prime Minister.

Monday, December 03, 2007

The Darkness

People should never be afraid of embracing the darkness, the universe began dark and will end dark.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Advice To Prime Ministers

When you proudly boast that you and your party hold the moral high ground, it is advisable to make sure that reality matches your proud boasts.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Being Unreasonable

When being reasonable has no effect, being unreasonable can be a most effective means for effectuating change and improvement in organisations and with individuals.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Self Assessment

Self assessment and analysis is a useful tool, public self assessment and analysis is not.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Call Centres

There is only one thing more annoying than having to use an outsourced, foreign based call centre and that is being put on hold by an outsourced, foreign based call centre.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Advice To Presidents

When you use your financial institutions and currency as a diplomatic weapon, don't be surprised when that policy revisits you to bite you in the arse in the form of a collapsing currency.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Advice To Prime Ministers

When you lose the data records of 25 million people, and put them at long term risk of identity theft and fraud, the time has come to step down.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Advice To Prime Ministers

Don't forget that you were responsible for HMRC for the last 10 years.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Advice To Prime Ministers

Prime Ministers who try to micro manage their cabinet colleagues, will find themselves micro managed out of office in a very short space of time.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Rocking The Boat

If the boat isn't rocking, then rock the boat.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Open Hands

Conduct your business affairs with "open hands", only when the other party does not reciprocate should you walk away.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Doctors

The "butchers' profession" should not sit in judgement on people's lifestyles.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Glory

Glory is fleeting, obscurity lasts forever.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Wars

Politicians start wars.

However, they don't finish them.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Gratification

Beware the lure of instant gratification, in the end you will become sensitised to life's simple pleasures and miserable; nothing will ever satisfy you.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Charts

Chart your own course in life, never let others try to guide you or blow you off course.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Enemies

Wish your enemies a long life, so that they may witness all your achievements and victories.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Rewards

Beware the phrase "rewarded by satisfaction", it means you are paid nowt.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Rest

An individual may rest, mankind should not.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Silence

Beware the company or businessman that becomes uncharacteristically silent, and does not respond to emails or phone calls.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Dining

The most effective discussions, and profitable deals can be held and concluded whilst dining.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Action Plans

Action plans without deadlines are not worth the paper that they are printed on.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Unilateralism

Beware unilateralist presidents playing the multilateralist card.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Organisations

An organisation is only as good as its most stupid member of staff.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Risk

The more risk you take, the more alive you really are.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Warning Signs

Beware the politician who uses the word "force" when referring to policy initiatives.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Casualties of War

Governments measure the success of a military operation by how few civilians have been killed. Civilians measure the failure of a military operation by how many civilians have been killed.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Moral Absolutes

A country that defines its domestic and foreign policy on the basis of moral absolutes sows the seeds of its own destruction.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Tolerance

It is regrettable that some countries, which loudly proclaim to the world that they are the bastions of free speech and democracy, contain so many people who are remarkably intolerant of diverse political and religious opinions.

Such countries should look to their own failings, before telling others how they should structure themselves.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Companies

Companies do not run themselves on autopilot, directors need to be proactive and direct.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Advice To MBNA Credit Cards

It really pisses people off to be called more than ten times in a fortnight by your call centre, just to be told about a new product.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Budgets

A company without a budget is like a ship without a compass, it will end up going nowhere very quickly.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Old Friendships

One of the great advantages of friendships that have lasted decades, is that you know and trust each other.

However, one of the great disadvantages of such a long lasting friendship is that you cannot "hide" your thoughts/failings.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Small Steps

Sometimes small steps are just as, or even more, effective as giant leaps when striving to achieve an objective.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Total Recall

Politicians who claim not to recall a significant incident/decision are lying through their teeth, and should be removed from office with expediency.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Religion

Religion should never be used an excuse for intolerance or spreading hatred.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Deal Breakers

People who think they are being "clever" when they try to cut someone else out of a deal gain nothing in the long run, their short term greed ensures that they cut themselves out of all future deals.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Double Cross

A man that tries to double cross you, double crosses himself. He will be exposed for the charlatan that he is, and justice will prevail.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Saints

There is no such thing as a saint, even dead princesses are not saints, everyone has a dark side.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Advice To Prime Ministers

Just because the media all claim that a general election is about to be called, don't fall for the hype.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Advice To Directors

Directors who do not maintain a "finger on the pulse" of their business, soon find that their business does not have a pulse.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Humanity

You can't imprison humanity for one indvidual's failing.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Directors

Directors who are "out of the loop" in their own companies are of no use to man nor beast.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Advice To Retailers

Don't piss off customers who run websites.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Regime Change

An intellectually bankrupt policy of regime change is as evil as the regime that it seeks to change.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Advice To Presidents

Presidents who do not realise that their time is up, are of no use to man nor beast.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Advice To Presidents

Absent minded Attorney Generals are of no use to man nor beast.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Deals

Walk away from deals that do not feel right.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Emotions

Whilst the release of emotions may be very healthy for the person doing the "releasing", it may not be so healthy for those in the vicinity of the person releasing his/her emotions.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Great Lies of the 21st Century

Products that call themselves "shampoo and conditioner".

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Victory

Victory, after a defeat, tastes all the more sweeter.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Making Money

In order to make money learn from the fisherman, in order for him to make his catch he must first set the fish in motion.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Opposition

The destruction of those who oppose you should be carried out at your pace, not theirs.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Fun

Make sure that you have some serious fun in this life, there is nothing to come afterwards.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Creativity

When you are creating a work of art, don't fight the outcome.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Dogs

Dogs that bite the hands of those that offer them kindness, should be spurned with the same level of urgency as if they had rabies.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Crusts

The sign of a truly decadent society is when people habitually throw away their crusts uneaten.

Eat you crusts!

Friday, August 31, 2007

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Net

Be warned that given the ongoing rate of growth, the infrastructure of the internet as it currently stands will not be able to cope and as such it will simply grind to halt one day.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Advice To Presidents

When all your colleagues/"friends" have resigned, leaving you the last man standing, you're next.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Patriotism

Aged leaders often tell their people that patriotism often requires a blood sacrifice.

Why does this sacrifice invariably involve the young?

Monday, August 27, 2007

Funerals

Funerals attract enemies as well as friends.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Little Men

Pathetic, small minded little men holding low bureaucratic positions, where they can exercise limited bureaucratic power over others, will use their power to maximum effect over others whose lives they envy but can never have.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Schedules

Never allow yourself to become a victim of someone else's schedule adjustments and changes of plan.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

God

Those who believe in God claim that he made us in his image, the trouble with many religions is that they do their best to make God in their image.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Hierarchy

The higher you get in an organisation, the fewer the number of idiots above you.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Monday, August 20, 2007

Advice To Directors

Directors who comfort themselves with past glories, whilst presiding over a spate of losses, are not fit for office.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Time Travel

Those people who claim that time travel is not possible are wrong.

Take trip to your local post office, once inside the building you are instantaneously transported back to the 1950's.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Choice

The more choice, the more decisions.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Thinking Outside of The Box

Think outside of the box if you wish to achieve total victory.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Contracts

Never sign a contract that you are not happy with.

Should your gut tell you to walk away, then walk away; never be afraid of walking away.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Money and Boils

In business, arguments over money are much like the appearance of an unwelcome boil.

As such, they should be dealt with promptly and swiftly lanced.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Optimism

Optimism is often kicked in the nuts by history.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Denial

Countries that deny their past are destined to repeat it.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Needs vs Wants

Western society is currently too fixated on wants, thus distorting people's ambitions/aspirations and the products/services provided by the market to meet those wants.

Western society would do better to focus more of its attention on needs.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Politicians

It is important to kick politicians in the nuts once every so often, so that they don't get above themselves.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Manipulation

Manipulation of people or events is best practised by those with the prerequisite skills of empathy, guile, intelligence, political savvy and foresight.

Those who do not possess these skills should steer well clear of trying to manipulate others; as their scheming is clearly visible, and their reputations irreversibly damaged.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Timing of Calls

Those who make business calls at 02:00AM, expecting the recipient to welcome the call and be capable of conducting a rational discussion, clearly have lost touch with reality.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Apologies

Never apologise for something that was not of your doing.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Gordon Brown

Brown has attempted to spin that he is offering "change".

So far the public, and the media, seem to have bought into the spin.

However, the reality that he is not offering any change whatsoever will soon hit home; when it is realised that the troops in Iraq are not coming home anytime soon.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Young and Old

Those who claim that there is no similarity between the young and the old are wrong.

Young people and old people are often in a hurry to complete a task, beware an old/young person in a hurry.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Plans

The best laid plans of mice and men are often screwed up by the intervention of lawyers.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Gordon Brown

Gordon Brown has just achieved his life's ambition, and been anointed Prime Minister.

One would have expected him to look happy, healthy and energised in the first few weeks in office.

The question therefore arises, why does he look so ill and so obviously unhealthy?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Advice To Service Providers

Don't claim that your "engineers are working around the clock" to fix a problem that has been in existence for over four weeks.

It just doesn't ring true!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Suicide Bombing

Why is it that the young are the ones required to sacrifice their lives for the alleged "noble" cause created by old men who sleep safely in their beds?

Monday, July 23, 2007

Advice To Politicians

Don't allow yourselves to be portrayed as morally "superior" to the rest of humanity, we are all human and subject to the same human failings and indiscretions.

At some stage the "morally superior" politician's indiscretions will come out.

People need human beings to lead them, not puritans.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Freedom

Freedom is never given to people, it has to be fought for and defended.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Professionals

When enlisting the services of a "professional", eg lawyer or accountant, it is always wise to check that they are suitably qualified.

There are some people who call themselves lawyers and accountants, yet they have no recognisable qualification whatsoever.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Relying On Others

Don't rely on individuals or organisations who have let you down in the past.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Advice To Water Companies

Don't keep cutting the water supply of website owners off, it irks them!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Advice To Holidaymakers

Going on holiday does not absent you from your moral obligation to maintain your personal hygiene.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Sports Shops

Shops that merely sell wall upon wall of trainers should not describe themselves as sports shops.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Advice To Presidents

No one is above the law, not even the President or friends of the President.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Happiness

True sustainable happiness cannot be derived from transitory pleasures, such as consumerism or driving a luxury car, it can only be derived and sustained from long term friendships, relationships and meaningful interactions with fellow human beings.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Advice To Politicians

Don't forget those who voted you into office.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Directors

Directors should not passively react to events, but should take charge and shape their company's destiny.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Advice To New Prime Ministers

In the event that you find yourself elevated to the office of Prime Minister, without having been elected by either your own party or the voters, don't assume you will remain in office for an indefinite period of time.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Advice To Politicians

After ten years in office, don't claim that you are now in "listening mode"; it is too little too late, and no one will believe you.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Advice To Crane Operators

Make sure that you have properly bolted the crane together, before attempting to operate it.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Vacuum

No one can operate and act in a vacuum, our actions have consequences for good or ill.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Hospital

It is a sad fact of life that you need to be fit and alert to go to be able to look after yourself, and fend for yourself, when admitted to hosptial.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Advice To Hospitals

When an X ray of a patient shows a broken or fractured bone, tell the patient before discharging them.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Funding

Never rely on vague promises when it comes to seeking funding for a project or business venture. Always ensure that the funding is really available, and that the person promising it has a good track record on delivering what they promise.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Stuff

It is the nature of life that, much like buses, a lot of stuff comes along all at the same time.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Politicians

Those politicians who, in their youth, dodged the draft have no moral authority to order young men and women to war.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Risk Assessments

Whenever I hear the phrase "risk assessment" I instinctively reach for my sick bag.

These "risk assessments" are invariably excuses for petty minded bureaucrats to foist an encyclopedia of unnecessary rules and restrictions on people and organisations, without any thought for the consequences.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Air Fresheners

A major con trick by manufacturers, foisted on the gullible.

Save your money and save the environment, open a window instead!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Satisfaction

There is nothing more satisfying in the world to see than a political party, that has perverted its views to garner support from religious bigots and political fanatics, tear itself apart as its policies (both domestic and international) are seen by all the world to fail.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Advice To Mobile Phone Users

When tempted to talk loudly in a public place (eg train or bus) on your mobile, shut the fark up!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Monday Morning Blues

Banish those Monday morning blues by belting out "Ode To Joy" at full volume.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Hope

Whenever I hear the word "hope" used by management, when discussing their prospects and business plans, I immediately reach for my sick bag.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Advice To Pundits

Don't publicly accuse organisations and individuals of crimes, if you don't have the evidence to back up your claims.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Advice To Vice Presidents

Given your sworn oath to uphold the law, it is unwise to say that you hope that a recently sentenced ex colleague "gets off".

This sends the wrong message, and implies that you don't in fact have any respect for the law.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Advice To Presidents

Your time is up when your associates start to be jailed.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Problems

Those who look for problems, and see difficulties at every decision point in their life, end up doing nothing.

Be bold!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Self Indulgence

Always ensure that you spend some part of each year being indulged by others. Self indulgence ensures that are better able to indulge and help others in the future.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Drawing a Line

Each man must draw his own line in the sand, then stand by it.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Stupidity

You cannot legislate against stupidity.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The British Weather

Under no circumstances plan a barbecue more than 24 hours ahead, long term planning of more than 24 hours will always guarantee rain.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Obsession

Who is to judge what is obsession and what is genius?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Advice To Mobile Phone Users

Don't give your credit card details out when using a mobile phone in a crowded train.

Monday, May 28, 2007

God

If God exists, why was there a several billion year gap between the creation of the universe and the creation of man?

Friday, May 25, 2007

Advice To Politicians

Don't give your real name when using hookers.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Wisdom

Far too often wisdom comes to a man when it is too late in his life for him to be able to apply it, and redeem the mistakes of the past.

Should this be a cause for regret?

No!

It shows that he is still growing and adapting to life's challenges, ie it shows that he is still very much alive.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Advice To Hotels

When answering reservations enquiries, read the enquiry first before answering it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Murder vs Assassination

Just how important do you have to be, before your murder is announced as an assassination?

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Snail

Do not despise the snail for its speed and shape, for it carries its sorrows in its shell with dignity and fortitude.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Advice To Restaurants

T bone steaks, for the description to be accurate, require a bone in them.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Deadlines

Never accept a deadline that you feel that you cannot meet. A missed deadline is an abomination.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Fish

Fish should not smell of fish.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Elitist

Elitist is a word used by the lazy and ignorant who find a subject too difficult to do.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Doomsayers

Those who foretell the end of the world (plague, war, famine, global warming etc) may, in the long run be proven to be correct. However, as John Maynard Keynes once said:

"In the long run we are all dead."

Mankind is best served by working on the assumption that we will still be here tomorrow. Those who plan for Armageddon are merely encouraging it, and wishing their lives away.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Networking Events

Generally these are a waste of time, all that happens is that a group of salesmen gather to sell each other their unwanted products and services.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Dream

No matter how beguiling the dream there must come a day, after years of fruitless pursuit, when you must consider abandoning it.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Light

There is no light without darkness.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Politicians

Whenever I hear a politician say "I welcome this report", I instinctively reach for the sick bag.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

People

Always keep your opinions of people apart from what they do.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Decisions

Retrospective analyses of decisions made will avail you nothing. The decision, once made, has been made.

Live with the consequences.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Religion

Mankind's need for religion will end when mankind evolves.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Friday, April 27, 2007

Directors

Absentee directors are of no use to man nor beast.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Fancy Shoes

It is a statistical fact that those who wear fancy shoes tend to be more likely to commit fraud than those who don't.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Politicians

Beware the politicians who hide behind a date some years in the future. They are banking on either their party being out of office by then, or on being promoted.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Resolving Problems

It is unwise to publicly state, with a fanfare or publicity, that a problem is resolved when it is not.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Pointy Shoes

You can never go wrong with pointy shoes.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Learn To Say No

When confronted with a request that you cannot comply with, it is best to say no immediately rather than procrastinate.

Procrastination and delay will cause problems later, when you are eventually forced to say no.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Commitments

When writing an email, or letter, never commit to doing something that you don't intend to do.

Failure to follow through on a promised course of action will come back to bite you in the arse.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Friday, April 13, 2007

Diplomacy

Diplomacy is best left to the diplomats, and best conducted via diplomatic channels rather than publicly in the media.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Questions

No question is ever stupid, only those who claim that a question is stupid should be called stupid.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Flags

A country with no flag is a country with no future.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Treasury Departments

Treasury deprtments should not dictate foregin policy.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Banks

Banks only like to lend to people who don't need the money.

Friday, April 06, 2007

The Truth

The truth has an annoying habit of emerging at the most inconvenient of times; it is best not to try to hide from the truth.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

The End Days

The end days of an incompetent and inept administration are always a joy to behold, as the members of that failed administration publicly turn on each other.

Proof, if it were needed, of the validity of that old saying:

"What goes around, comes around."

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Game

When the game is cold, walk away.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Flood

A flood or words rarely contains more than a drop of wisdom.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Dogs

Sometimes it is wise to give a dog some slack on his lead, and let him take the initiative, just to see where he goes.

Friday, March 30, 2007

The Price of Freedom

The price of freedom should not be paid for with the blood of the young.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Trust

There is no shame in trusting someone on occasions, sometimes trust is necessary to get things done.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Fish

It is unwise to cook fish on a plane.

Monday, March 26, 2007

History

You can no more change history, than you can disinvent the atomic bomb.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Prisoners

We are all prisoners.

Those who realise it, suffer the most.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Change Managers

Beware the Change Manager, he is in effect an overpaid consultant brought in by ineffective management unable and unwilling to do their jobs.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Advice To Diplomats

When putting together a breakthrough diplomatic deal, that involves the transfer of money, make sure that you communicate your plan to the banks involved first.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Advice To Airlines

Develop an effective method of frying an egg.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Sacrifice

Only through struggle and sacrifice can we come to know our true selves, and recognise who our true friends really are.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Evil

Evil casts its shadow on the world in many forms.

Beware the neatly packaged soundbite financed by wealthy oligarchs, keen to impose their view of the perfect world order on their fellow human beings.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Core Values

Those Republicans that claim to hold the party's and country's core values of freedom of speech and action dear, yet advocate repression and bigotry should be spurned as one would spurn a rabid dog.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Patriots

Those that claim to be patriots protecting their country, yet advocate restrictions on freedom of choice and lifestyles, are the public face of an evil and oppressive cabal, that should be eradicated like a plague.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Future

The future is the undiscovered country, so easily lost lost in the fog of political intrigue and deception.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Future

Mankind lives for the future, in the belief that the future is the undiscovered country.

Yet those that rule us, choose to indulge themselves in the pleasures of the present.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Schadenfreude

Why waste time trying to pronounce, or spell this word, when in fact you mean "gloating".

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Advice To Politvcal Fall Guys

When your boss hangs you out to dry in court, drop him and his superiors in it by revealing every shabby detail of their corrupt behaviour that you know.

You have nothing to lose.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Advice To World Leaders

In the event that you talk to God, it is best not to tell anyone. Otherwise the voters might just ask you if God answers back.

Your answer, might make you look rather foolish or mentally unstable.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Advice To Foreign Journalists

When seeking to conduct an interview, try to remember that the world is divided into different time zones.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Leaders Who Cry Wolf

Those leaders whose claims of threats and enemies, which turn out to be fabrications and lies, end up losing their credibility and authority.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Accusations

Never publicly accuse someone of being unethical or conducting illegal activities if you don't have firm evidence to back up your claim, that will withstand close scrutiny.

The costs of making false accusations can be immeasurable.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Queues

Why waste time queuing, when you can pay someone else to queue for you?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

No Is Not An Answer

When a company says "No" to a request, or says that they don't do what you want them to do, don't take no for an answer.

Make them explain why they won't do it, and threaten to take your custom elsewhere.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Reluctant Kings

Beware the reluctant king, he is usually the one with the burning ambition.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Call Centres

Why do call centres waste callers time, by spending the opening minutes of a call playing a recoding advising the hapless caller to use the company website?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Average Wage

Not enough to make you feel valued, but just enough to make you come crawling back for more.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Call Centres

It is inadvisable to discuss financial matters with a call centre, when pissed out of your brain.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Cat Vomit

When a cat vomits on your duvet, take it as a good omen for the future. The animal is cleansing himself and, by the fact that you have to clean the duvet, cleansing the duvet too.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Growth

For growth to occur, a forest must be destroyed.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Mouses and Houses

The plural of mouse is mice, why is not the plural of house hice?

Friday, February 09, 2007

Empires

Those countries that seek to run empires without trying to understand the people that they rule, will most certainly fail.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Flying

When flying, always wear generously cut trousers.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Negotiations

When negotiating, it helps if those parties not directly involved in the day to day negotiations keep their mouths shut whilst the negotiations are in progress.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Hard Times

Enduring and overcoming hard times validates and strengthens relationships, both business and personal.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Negotiations

Administrators, pen pushers and bureaucrats who do not mix with the normal human race should not be put in charge of sensitive negotiations.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Unwanted Downloads

Those of you who find that their pc's slow down at critical moments, owing to the machine deciding to download an update to some existing software, may find the following solution invaluable.

Take an axe to it.

That will teach it!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

No Winners

Whenever the phrase "there were no winners" is used, you can be sure that the person saying this actually means "we lost".

Monday, January 29, 2007

At The Table

Sometimes it is better to be at the table talking, and getting nowhere, rather than to stop talking altogether.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Meetings

Forget about reading the formal minutes of meetings; instead, ask each participant to provide a summary of the meeting from their perspective.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Confidence Building

Confidence building in education should not be an end in itself.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Target Practice

If people are shooting at you, then you know that you are doing something right.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Hope

Hope should not form any part of a business plan or company strategy.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Politicians

Beware the politician who says that he will leave office at an unspecified date many months into the future.

That politician has no intention of leaving office.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Quotes

When asking for a quote for a service or product, always make sure that you know exactly what you want before requesting a quote.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Customer Relations Department

Customer Relations Department=Department of Obfuscation and Delays

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Alliances of Moderation

So called "alliances of moderation" should not include extremists, dictatorships and bigots.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Departing Presidents and Prime Ministers

Beware departing presidents and prime minister with legacies to embellish.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Photo Shoots

Never do photo shoots during the Christmas gorging period.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Tents

It is far better to have people inside the tent pissing out, rather than have them outside the tent pissing in.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Quotations

Don't ask people or companies to provide you with a quotation for goods or services, knowing that you do not have the means to pay for them.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Drawing Conclusions

Sometimes it is better to allow a person, or organisation, to draw the correct conclusion at their own pace rather than to force the issue at your pace.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Moral Clarity

Whenever I hear the phrase "moral clarity", I instinctively reach for my revolver.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Sanctions

Sanctions are the most effective method of unifying a country, and strengthening the leadership of that country.

Don't believe me?

Just ask Fidel Castro.