RIP Bernard Cribbins

 

The Law of Sod

 

As soon as you go to the pub to sit in the sunny pub garden, the sun goes behind the clouds!

Rain Stops Play

 

The rain has just stopped Swampy and his mates from the eco nazis from setting fire to more fields, which just goes to show that every cloud has a silver lining!

Live Until You Die!

 

Heat Tips for The One Day of British Summer

 

Drink chilled Red Stripe, vodka and champagne.

Take a teaspoon of salt every hour or so.

Maintain a stiff upper lip!

How To Remove a BottleLox

 

I had the misfortune to have a bottle of booze delivered the other day with a BottleLox still attached.

The supermarket very kindly credited me for the booze, and left me to my own devices wrt removing the BottleLox.

Easy peasy!

All you need is a knife and fork.

Slip the knife in the base, and ease the contraption upwards.

When resistance is felt, remove the knife and insert the fork.

Use the fork to unlock the second part of the lock and blinkey, blonkey, blimey all done!

Advice To The Media

 

Your role is to inform the public's opinion, not manipulate it!

Thought For The Day

 

“Unselfishness, means simply this – you will put first the honour and interests of your country and regiment; next you will put the safety, well-being and comfort of your men; and last – and last all the time – you will put your own interest, your own safety, your own comfort.”

Field Marshal William Joseph Slim, 1st Viscount Slim, KG, GCB, GCMG, GCVO, GBE, DSO, MC, KStJ

Advice To Morrisons

 

Take the security tag off my booze before you deliver it!

Twitter Rumours

 

Twitter rumours aren't worth the cyberspace that they are typed in!

Happy Independence Day To The Colonies

 

Westminster

 

Home to drunkards, letchers, perverts, psychopaths, sociopaths and inveterate liars.