The Right Track

 

Being on the right track is excellent, as far as it goes. However, you should be careful to avoid being run over by the oncoming train!

Advice To Government Ministers

 

Follow the example of the criminal community, and use burner phones when you want to keep those "special" messages private from the prying eyes of the police/parliamentary investigators.

Consensus Models Are Worse Than Worthless

 

Consensus models that combine optimistic and pessimistic models are worse than worthless, and most certainly should not be used for planning or forecasting.

Yet, these are the very models that the government have been using to manage the Covid outbreak!

Question for FAKE SAGE

 

You are normally very keen to hold doom laden press conferences highlighting your version of "facts" and your projections of an imminent apocalypse.

Yet, for the last couple of weeks you have been unusually quiet.

Will you be holding a press conference to apologise for your wildly incorrect projections and your fear inducing announcements?

Your Friday Earworm

 

Rainy Day Tasks

 

Putting off tasks to a "rainy day" is the ideal way of ensuring that those tasks are never done, for on a rainy day you are always waiting for the rain to stop.

The Eight Levels of Wealth

 

1 Destitute

2 Skint
 

3 Barely making ends meet
 

4 Making ends meet
 

5 Comfortably off
 

6 Wealthy
 

7 Loads of money
 

8 Fuck off money

 

Advice To Wayne Rooney

 

Don't fall asleep when you have lady guests in your hotel bedroom; not only is it rude, it also paves the way for photographic shenanigans!

Life's Three Certainties

-Death

-Taxes

-Vaxxes

It's Friday - You Know The Drill!

 

Advice To Supemarkets

  

Don't tell people not to panic buy!

Advice To The Douche of Sussex

 

Writing a book about your relatively short life to date is not the best way to avoid being in the media spotlight.

You are of course entitled to your own opinions, but not your own version of facts!