Ken's Christmas Crackers - The Traditional Christmas Cucumber

 

Christmas isn't Christmas until you have erected the traditional Christmas cucumber and decorated it with some really crap lights!

Ken's Christmas Crackers - How To Deal With a Threadbare Tree

In the unfortunate event you have a threadbare tree, distract people's attention by placing a large stone statue of Nelson on the top of it.

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Only 24 More Variants Until Christmas!

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Guide To A Covid Free Christmas

 

1 Don't listen to politicians or "experts"

2 Don't watch BBC News

3 Don't read the papers

4 Mute Peston

5 Spurn Stalin's Nanny and FAKE SAGE

6 Turn off Twitter

7 Don't share fake Covid news on Facebook

Question For Nicola Sturgeon

 

Now that 6 cases of Omicron have been detected in Scotland (despite your mask mandates and vax passports), will you be closing your border to protect the English?

Advice To The French Police

If you slash a hole in the dinghies before they enter the water, they won't be able to go in the water and you will save lives!

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Sprouts

 

Given that Christmas is only one month away, it is vital that you start boiling your sprouts now.

Remember to add lots of salt to the water and ensure that they are hard boiling, in order to ensure that every last morsel of goodness, flavour and texture is destroyed.

A Path Well Trodden

  A path well trodden does not always get you to the place that you want to be.

The Fool

  The fool is the wisest man in the royal court!

Black Friday

 

It's only Monday, but I am already sick to death of Black Friday!

Advice to Wannabe Celebs, Sports People and Influencers etc

 

Gaining the media spotlight may not be everything that you had hoped for.

Once the media have built you up, it will most assuredly tear you down and expose every wart and indiscretion!

Question for The SNP

 

Exactly what constitutes "only a small number of beheadings"?

This young woman has been prevented by returning home by a heartless Tory government.

She witnessed only a small number of beheadings, and with our independence, Scotland would welcome her and allow her to vote.

She has apologised, it’s time to move on! https://t.co/9m1KNnRn4Q

— Callum Bruce SNP 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@CallumBruceSNP) November 14, 2021