The Dawn of The New Age of Burger Diplomacy

When all else fails, rely on your gut instincts and use burgers as bargaining chips!

Mediators

Mediators don't take sides.

Will someone please tell the Wall Street Journal that!

Diplomacy

Useless gobshites should not conduct diplomacy, or be allowed to have contact whatsoever with representatives from other countries.

White House Gift Shop Changes Post Summit Coin Details

Can you spot the difference children?

On Wednesday they said this:

"Not Identical to the WHCA Pre-Summit Coin & Features Post Summit Icons"

Today they now say this:

"The Coin Will be Made Whether or Not the Summit Occurs as Scheduled

Because the Theme is

Coming Closer to Peace and Celebrates the Act of Communication Among Countries

If Summit Does Not Occur You can Request a Refund but Most Supporters Have Said They Want This Heirloom of

Political History Regardless of Outcome."

Crooks!

The Kim Trump Post Summit Coin

Given the uncertainty hanging over the summit, should we buy the post summit coin or short it?

Post Summit Coin Available For Pre Order

It seems that the Donald Trump fully intends to hold a summit with Kim, as the White House gift shop is already selling (on pre order) post summit coins:

"Not Identical to the WHCA Pre-Summit Coin & Features Post Summit Icons"

There's confidence for you!

Beware Hubris

Southern Rail's New Timetable Fails Spectacularly

⏰🚉 A completely new weekday timetable is in place from today.

Don’t get caught out, plan ahead 👉 https://t.co/Dg3US5QjP1

— Southern (@SouthernRailUK) May 21, 2018

Seemingly "logistical problems" are causing the new timetable to fail.

Call me old fashioned, but was not the new timetable meant to fix Southern Rail's "logistical problems"?????

Flush Your Systems

Keep fit and healthy by flushing your systems!

Advice To Those About To Get Married

Weddings are excessively stressful and expensive, therefore reduce the cost and stress by not inviting your relatives!

One of Life's Little Mysteries

It is one of life's little mysteries that some draft dodgers of a previous generation are very shouty and loud in their calls for war, and the sending of young men of the current generation to their certain deaths to that hoped for new war.

Advice To Journalists Covering The Decommissioning of North Korea's Punggye-ri Nuclear Test Site

Take some iodine tablets with you!

America's Embassy In Jerusalem

According to some idiotic American, the opening of the US embassy in Jerusalem fulfils biblical "prophecy".

Has America so lost its way in the world that it can only function and make decisions based on "prophecies" contained within a collection of fairy tales published over 2,000 years ago??

Two Questions For America

You do know that now you have reneged on the JCPOA, you can't tell the Iranians to continue to accept nuclear inspections don't you?

If you didn't know that, then did you really understand what you were doing when you reneged on it?

Personal Travelling Toilet

One day I dream of being rich enough to warrant my own personal, high security, travelling toilet!

The Morning Headlines

It would be nice to wake up one morning and read headlines that do not include the words "President Trump".

Advice To President Trump

In the event you throw the baby out with the bathwater today, at least refill the bath afterwards!

A Pox Upon The Politicians

As the politicians from all parties try to claim they had good results in yesterday's local elections, don't believe a word of it.

The voters loath you all!

Luncheon

In view of the pleasant, but not boiling, weather today's luncheon will be a Cornish pasty!

Bank Holiday Weather Prediction

Despite the fact it is pissing down, our "reliable" weather forecasters promise us a sunny warm Bank Holiday weekend (HOTTER THAN IBIZA!).

Don't hold your breath Britain!

Damp Squid

Damp squid is hard to digest, especially when served in excess portions during a televised dog and pony show.