Rain Daleks Invade England

Advice To Barclays

When committing fraud do not communicate details of the fraud to others via email, texts or other electronic media.

Push Ups

When I do push ups I don't push myself up, I push the earth down!

Farewell Lonesome George!

Farewell Lonesome George!

Adversity

When faced with adversity the weak curl up into a ball and try to hide, the strong spread their wings and soar above it like an eagle.

Today's Word

Today's word is "indefatigable".

Glad Midsommar!

Glad Midsommar to my Swedish chums!

In keeping with the season, it is blowing a gale here in the UK.

Today's Word

Today's word is: "Windbag".

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

I appreciate that you are finalising your evil plans for world domination. However, there is no need to make it so obvious to the rest of us (ie adopt a "poker face").

Mortal Enemies

I am currently updating my mortal enemies list, I may be some time.

Rain

Advice To Staff at Pub Restaurants

Pick up the phone!

The British Summer

Advice To Acquaintances

Don't put other people's names in the frame for donating money to "good causes", without checking with them first.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Fear not, we are sending an email to Felix about the fact you cannot stand and won't eat their "beef" pouch.

Today's Word

Today's word is "jackanapes".

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Have I not asked you some months ago to wipe your paws before jumping all over the bedsheets?

Please read and remember my advice in the future.

Advice To Freelance "Journalists"

Don't tell people after publishing an article (that you never cleared with them first) that you are not a journalist, when you in fact describe yourself as one on the web; ie don't be a lying c*nt!

Debt

Debt is not wealth!

Today's Word

Today's word is "bascule".

Question For The BBC

Who the fark is "HRH the Queen"?

I think you will find that it is "Her Majesty the Queen".

You have covered royal occasions before, haven't you?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The binmen are very nice people who are only trying to help to keep the streets clean and tidy, they are not a threat to your safety or your well being.