Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Further to my advice to you about drying your paws, when you come in from the garden, please note that my newspaper is not a paw drying facility.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please dry your paws before you come back in from the wet garden.

Hope

When I use the words "hope", I do not use it in its wishy washy reactive sense.

Fourth Legs of Stools

Unproductive fourth legs of stools should be cut off.

Religion

Religion poisons people's minds and sets them against each other.

Advice To LA Fitness

Saunas are meant to be hot, not luke warm.

Question To My Cat

Where have you hidden your toy moose?

Advice To The Financial Services Industry

Stop trying to screw your customers.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

A Shepherd's Pie is for eating, not sitting in.

Advice To Politicians

The voters might respect you a little, if more of you actually had worked (or indeed still work) in the real world instead of spending your entire life in politics.

Signals

In order for a signal to be effective, the intended recipient has to see it and understand it.

Fresh Garlic

A clove of fresh raw garlic in the morning gives a little extra pep to the day.

Advice To The Republican Party

Going on about the President's birth certificate, an issue that has long since been laid to rest, makes you look quite ridiculous.

There are surely more pressing issues that you should be focusing on?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Cat "gentlemen" callers are only after one thing, please defend your honour until the forthcoming vet visit.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

"Daddy" is allowed to come home late smelling of booze, there is no need to stare at me in such a disapproving fashion the next time it happens!

Mixing

It is unwise to mix rum and soju.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My left upper arm is not a nipple.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My laptop keyboard is not a Posturepedic individually sprung bed.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Your cat litter is for your toilet requirements, it is not a novel form of new crunchy cat biscuit.

Advice From My Cat

Thank you for all your ongoing advice.

Unfortunately, I can't read!