Ken's Blue Blog
Musings on "the bleedin' obvious"; views on the meaning of life, or anything else that takes my fancy.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year

I wish you all a happy, peaceful and prosperous 2010.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Terrorism and Religion

Those who seek to use God as an excuse for venting their anger, hatred, jealousy and paranoia via wanton acts of violence/terrorism should desist.

In the unlikely event God exists, he/she/it would be highly pissed off at being used as an excuse for violence.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

Advice To Eurostar

Revert to steam trains, they are better able to cope with snow.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Advice To Politicians

Bell towers do not endear you to us, the voting public.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009


The word "libation" is used far too seldom these days.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Monday, December 07, 2009

Advice To Supermarkets

We are not quite yet a third world country. It would therefore be appreciated if you kept your shelves stocked with the basic produce that you claim to sell.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Advice To Tradesmen

When you can't make an appointment on time, call to let me know!

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Fingers and Thumbs

The fingers and thumb of your hand may be different to each other, but you still need all of them to make a fist.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Unwelcome Surprises

It is unwise for subsidiary companies to shield their holding companies from "bad" news.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Don't let the neighbour's fat moggy, who has sneaked in through the cat flap, scoff your food in the middle of the night.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please don't secrete yourself underneath the floorboards whilst we are having them sanded and renovated.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Bubble and Squeak

Bubble and squeak is a most efficacious hangover cure.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Advice To My Mobile Phone Service Provider

God help you if I find out that one of your staff has sold on my details to a rival company.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Advice To Virgin Helpdesk

When you say you will call me back, call me back!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

When having a fur ball it is advisable to stand still, rather than run and vomit, thereby minimising the collateral damage.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Advice To Politicians

Don't use memorials for dead service personnel for your own self serving photo opportunities.

Friday, November 20, 2009


"Congratulations" to the newly unelected, unknown appointees of the EU non positions of "President" and "Foreign Minister"; they have proven what knew all along, namely that the EU is a costly, bureaucratic, undemocratic waste of space.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Zero Sum Games

Zero sum games are no longer a valid means of conflict resolution.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Rules of The Game

He who makes the rules, controls the game.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A Question For Gordon Brown

Protecting this country from terrorist attack by fighting in Afghanistan may, or may not, "improve" our security.

However, other countries in the Middle East and Pakistan have a far greater connection to terrorism (eg via funding, supplying arms and training) than Afghanistan.

Are you sure our efforts are being focused in the correct area?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Holding impromptu races with your cat friend from next door, at 1:30AM in our bedroom, is a tad disruptive to our sleep.

Friday, November 13, 2009


Whilst it is not always possible to control the circumstances one finds oneself in, one should at least try to control the reaction to those circumstances.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Advice To Lottery Winners

Don't let the media identify you, you will end up spending the rest of your life receiving begging letters and hate mail.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Success is sometimes harder than failure. However, the money is usually better.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Advice To Electricshopping.com

Update your website to show what products are really in stock, and which aren't; that way your customers won't waste time and money paying for products that you can't deliver until after Christmas.

Monday, November 09, 2009

The State

The state has become the enemy of the people.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Advice To Tony Blair II

As predicted, Brown's support for you has all but doomed your chances of becoming President of Europe.

Maybe that was his intention?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Advice To LA Fitness Brighton

1 Buy some more towels, or

2 Find a more professional laundry service, or

3 Buy a washing machine and launder the towels yourselves.


Question: When is an election not an election?

Answer: When it is held in Afghanistan and the other contender pulls out.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Question To LA Fitness Brighton

What is the point of being a member of your club if the pool and spa are closed and, on top of that, you have no towels?

Monday, November 02, 2009

Question To The Gnomes Running The EU

How can you appoint a President of Europe without asking the people of Europe who they want to be their president?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Advice To LA Fitness Brighton

Remember to turn the sauna on each day folks, it works a little better when it is hot!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Real World - Advice To Roger Gale MP

On BBC Breakfast yesterday Roger Gale MP, repeated calls for Sir Christopher Kelly to publish his report, now it has been leaked, saying that he could not comment as he did not know what Sir Christopher was recommending.

He then added: "I've heard one comment, which I think is absolutely ludicrous, to the effect that apparently somebody living an hour's train ride from London will not be allowed to have a base in London.

Now, that doesn't affect me, but it will affect quite a lot of people, and I just don't believe that Kelly lives in the real world, I don't think he knows what kind of hours we work or what kind of job we do. We've tried to tell him, but he doesn't appear to have listened

Maybe perfectly true Mr Gale, wrt hours of work etc.

However, many real world voters have to spend many miserable hours each day commuting using a decaying transport system. They will not give one jot about your "hours of work", but will question whether you live in the "real world" wrt your comment about needing base in London for a train ride of one hour.

The voters will conclude that it is you who does not live in "real world".

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Advice To Tony Blair

Don't let Brown canvass for you, if you really do want to become El Presidente of Europe; it will be the kiss of death to your campaign.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


Those who claim to posses a thorough knowledge of etiquette are not necessarily well mannered, pleasant or good company.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Why are you allowing a fat cat to come in and eat your food?

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Mysteries of The PC

Why, when turning off your pc do you have to click the "start" icon?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Advice To Jurors

Don't convict someone based on what the bible "tells you" to do.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Advice To Weather Balloon Owners III

Don't involve your children in your publicity stunts.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Monday, October 19, 2009

Advice To Weather Balloon Owners

Check where all your kids are before launching your balloon.

Friday, October 16, 2009


Human beings are not meant to wither, grow old and become feeble.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Meaning of Life

The fundamental point about life is that sometimes one needs to be "human", act like a fool occasionally and blow off steam once in while; being silly and "human" is the meaning of life.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Don't make yourself too much at home on the guest bed, it is used intermittently by humans.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Friday, October 09, 2009


Beware individuals and countries that believe that they have a monopoly on self-righteousness.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The doorbell is not a starting gun for a race.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009


How ironic that the pension age needs to rise, yet old people are still discriminated against when it comes to employment because they are deemed to be "past it".

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Staying out all night requires a pre authorised pass!

Monday, October 05, 2009

Politics Free Day

Why doesn't the media give the people of Britain a politics free day, where not one politician or political story is mentioned?

That would remind the politicians that they are not the centre of the universe, even if they have managed to convince the gullible media of that, and give us all a well deserved break from their incessant prattling.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please wash your bottom more thoroughly after using your outside toilet.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Advice To Gordon Brown

Don't claim that you go jogging, when it is self evident that you do not!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Square One

Reverting to square one is not a strategy.

Friday, September 25, 2009


The bedrock of dictatorship is an overempowered, arrogant, unaccountable, unelected bureaucracy populated by "little men" who believe that they are working for a "greater cause".

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Lessons in morality shouldn't be delivered by hypocrites.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Advice To The Media

Endlessly reanalysing the same tired political story to death does you, democracy nor the news following public any good whatsoever.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Email is not always the most appropriate medium for conveying "nuance".

Monday, September 21, 2009

Friday, September 18, 2009

Advice To Renault

Cheating isn't terribly effective if people know that you have cheated.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The door bell is not a starting gun for a race.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Never Initiative

Never assume that people will take the initiative wrt matters that you assume to be obvious.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Production statistics without quality statistics, and vice versa, are meaningless.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Justice and "right being done" are not always synonymous.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Twigs and leaves are best left in the garden.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tuesday, September 08, 2009


By "bigging up" third rate losers into terrorist bogeymen, countries and governments enhance these people's powers and status, thus creating the threat that they sought to neuter.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please wipe/lick your bottom after using your litter tray.

Friday, September 04, 2009

The "Special Relationship"

There is much nonsense spouted by some about the so called "special relationship" between the USA and UK.

There is nothing "special", aside from the fact that both countries more or less speak the same language and, in a minority, there is a genetic link between the two countries.

Aside from the above, "special" only comes into play when the self interests of both nations happen to coincide, or the UK kowtows to the US because it needs something.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Question To Charities

Why do you have so much money lying idle in your bank accounts?

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Further to my advice to you about drying your paws, when you come in from the garden, please note that my newspaper is not a paw drying facility.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please dry your paws before you come back in from the wet garden.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


When I use the words "hope", I do not use it in its wishy washy reactive sense.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Fourth Legs of Stools

Unproductive fourth legs of stools should be cut off.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Religion poisons people's minds and sets them against each other.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

A Shepherd's Pie is for eating, not sitting in.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Advice To Politicians

The voters might respect you a little, if more of you actually had worked (or indeed still work) in the real world instead of spending your entire life in politics.

Friday, August 14, 2009


In order for a signal to be effective, the intended recipient has to see it and understand it.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Fresh Garlic

A clove of fresh raw garlic in the morning gives a little extra pep to the day.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Advice To The Republican Party

Going on about the President's birth certificate, an issue that has long since been laid to rest, makes you look quite ridiculous.

There are surely more pressing issues that you should be focusing on?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Cat "gentlemen" callers are only after one thing, please defend your honour until the forthcoming vet visit.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

"Daddy" is allowed to come home late smelling of booze, there is no need to stare at me in such a disapproving fashion the next time it happens!

Friday, August 07, 2009


It is unwise to mix rum and soju.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My laptop keyboard is not a Posturepedic individually sprung bed.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Your cat litter is for your toilet requirements, it is not a novel form of new crunchy cat biscuit.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Advice From My Cat

Thank you for all your ongoing advice.

Unfortunately, I can't read!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The ATM receipts on my desk are not "prey".

Monday, July 27, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Headbutting me in bed in the morning is not the most "emotionally intelligent" way to wake me up.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Why not try sitting in the middle of the litter tray, rather then at the very edge?

You might then manage to improve your aim!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The cat litter in your litter tray is best left in the litter tray, and should not be used as an improvised football for an impromptu game of kitchen floor football ("pawball"?).

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The buttons on my shirt should not be regarded as food, nor indeed do they provide any form of useful nourishment.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Further Advice To Lord Myners

According to one of your ex colleagues from M&S, who writes in today's Times letters page, you once thought you were God; it may therefore be a little pointless finding "ethics".

Monday, July 20, 2009

Advice To Lord Myners

As laudable as it is that you have now discovered "ethics", and are appalled at the lack of ethics in the City.

I would have been more convinced by your conversion "on the road to Damascus", had this happened before your made £30M in the City and allowed Fred "The Shred" to run off with a £16M pension pot.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Advice To Restaurants

If you are foolish enough to run out of brandy, go to the nearest shop and buy a bottle.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Monday, July 13, 2009

Advice To The Media

Check the facts first, before blindly accepting "information" provided to you by state agencies.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Advice To Catholics

Don't pray to cut down trees that vaguely "resemble" the Virgin Mary, you really don't do the religion any favours.

Thursday, July 09, 2009


Why exactly are we in afghanistan, and what constitutes a "victory" whereby our troops can come home?

Wednesday, July 08, 2009


Why do the heavens always open and gush forth a biblical torrent everytime I say the magic phrase:

"Maybe I could do a barbecue this evening"?

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Advice To Leisure Club Members

Chairs are for humans to sit on, not inanimate objects such as water bottles, swimming goggles and towels.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Saying Sorry

The British sometimes say "sorry" when they actually mean:

- "You clumsy twat!"

- "Please get out of my way!"

Friday, July 03, 2009


Once "principles" are ditched, diplomacy and commonsense can raise their heads and real progress can be made.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Advice To My Cat

My PC keyboard does not work effectively if you sit on it when I am typing.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Advice To The Media

Don't embellish your stories to make them into what you want them to be; instead try, for once, to stick to the facts.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Advice To Ed Balls

Merging a failing school with a good school will not rise standards in the failing school, but will lower standards in the good school.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Advice To The Media

Don't create false stories, especially in times of international tension.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Those who apply only pressure and more pressure, without giving the person or country on which they apply the pressure any kind of alternative, will end up with a nasty fight/war on their hands.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Role of The State

It's not the role of the state to try to make you feel comfortable in your own skin, or good about yourself.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


The darkness of the night is nothing compared to darkness of some people's souls.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Humans are good at monaing about life. However, they are not good at taking responsibility for leading change to improve their lives.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Advice To Statesmen

Beware "guarantees" given to you in the peace, safety and tranquility of a presidential garden.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Organs of the state should avoid spreading unfounded smears and allegations against others, lest they come back at you.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Mandelson of Foie Gras

Why, if we are now to have "ethical/honest" government, has Gordon Brown made Mandelson "queen of the castle"?

Monday, June 15, 2009

Lord Mandelson of Foie Gras

Congratulations to Lord Mandelson of Foie Gras on his elevation, in all but name, to Prime Minister and Lord Protector of England!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Great Con Tricks of The 21st Century

Leisure club membership agreements that lock you in for a year or more, even if you want to leave the club before they expire.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Advice To Labour MPs

Gordon Brown is psychologically incapable of changing.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Advice To Gordon Brown

Don't be too overjoyed at not being "dethroned" by your party.

Your party have effectively "tied you to the ship's wheel" of the Labour Party, so that you will go down down with the sinking ship and they have you to blame afterwards.

Monday, June 08, 2009


Do politicians hate the voters as much as the voters hate the politicians?

Friday, June 05, 2009

Thursday, June 04, 2009


There is never a final victory or defeat in politics.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Advice To Gordon Brown

When members of your cabinet start resigning two days before elections and a planned reshuffle, the game is well and truly up.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Advice To The Chancellor

Don't flip your houses too many times, it doesn't look good to the humble voters.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Advice To Gordon Brown

Saying "I didn't know", wrt the expenses scandal, doesn't cut it any longer.

Friday, May 29, 2009


Why do all spammers seem to think that I am having problems with my "wang"?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Advice To The Media

Destroying the reputations of all of our MPs may, in the short term, be as amusing as pulling the wings off flies. However, what do you replace them with once you have destroyed them and had them hounded from office?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Beware the cornered mouse, it will fight if it feels it has nothing left to lose.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


The primary function of any MP is to save his/her own political skin.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Crocodile Tears

Don't fall for the crocodile tears, shed so very publicly by some MPs, for the soon to be departed speaker.

Monday, May 18, 2009


A complete waste of time and money.

However, congratulations to Norway for breaking the East European vote rigging.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Question To MPs Repaying Underpaid Tax

Why do you deserve to get away with a mere apology and repayment of underpaid tax sans interest/penalties?

Were this to happen to anyone else, HMRC would conduct a lengthy and aggressive investigation into previous tax returns.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Advice To Politicians Making Expense Claims

Not only should you ensure that your claims are within the rules, you should also ensure that they are above reproach in every way.

To hide behind the glib phrase "I followed procedures" simply is not good enough.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Advice to Politicians

The voters neither like, nor respect you; in fact they loath you!

It will take some very hard graft indeed to improve such tarnished reputations.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Beware those who have the conviction of their own vanity.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

The Future

One man by himself may not be able to summon the future. However, he may be able to plant the seed of the vision.

Friday, May 01, 2009

T Shirts

Why are my favourite T shirts always at the back of the cupboard drawer?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Poker Players

Experienced poker players do not take advice when at the table in the middle of a game.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Modern Communications

The danger of the speed of our modern communications systems (eg internet, email, phone, video, TV etc), is that the advantages of news/information/data being disseminated in the blinking of an eye are more than outweighed by the disadvantage that our stone age brains cannot properly process or calmly react to the data.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

Advice To The Chancellor

Capitalist economies thrive on confidence, unfortunately your budget speech provided precious little confidence to foster an economic recovery.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


People become exceptionally malleable when they allow their emotions take control.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Happy Budget Day

Expect higher taxes, broken promises and "bigging up" rhetoric from Darling and Brown today.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Green Shoots

Beware the politician who claims to see the "green shoots" of economic recovery. These "green shoots" may in fact be only weeds.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Art of War

Ensure that the other side's troops do the dying, rather than your own.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Advice To Prime Ministers

The poison that you spread about others will eventually infect you.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Bank Rescue Packages

Those who complain about the existence and size of the bank rescue packages put together by governments should bear in mind that the packages were not designed to save the banks, but were designed to save the economy from the banks.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Great Con Tricks of The 21st Century

Leisure club membership agreements, whereby the member commits to pay for 6-12 months irrespective of the functioning of the facilities/equipment of the club.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

How To Spot a Conman - Part IV

He refuses to provide an accounting of his expenditure of the company's money when asked to do so by an investor.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

How To Spot a Conman - Part III

He attempts to enforce an agreement that has time expired, whereby consideration, title and control never passed from one party to another.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

How To Spot a Conman - Part II

He attempts to claim expenses, that were not contractually agreed, from more than one individual/organisation for the same amount.

Monday, April 06, 2009

How To Spot a Conman - Part I

He misspells "Prejudice" when writing a threatening "legal" letter that uses the phrase "Without Prejudice".

Friday, April 03, 2009

Bold Actions

Sometimes bold, headline grabbing, actions are required to kick start diplomatic processes and unblock logjams.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Advice To Webmasters

Before requesting link exchanges, visit the site that you want to exchange links with to see if it has any relevance at all to your site.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Advice To The Media

Re Jacqui Smiths TV expenses, it's not the "adult" films that are the issue, it is the fact that she claimed expenses for which she had no entitlement.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Monday, March 30, 2009

Vacuum Cleaners

It is unwise to have sex with vacuum cleaners in public!

"A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison.

Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.
The 29-year-old from Michigan, was sentenced at Saginaw County Circuit Court.
Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.

Police said Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on October 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles north-west of Detroit.

Savage's lawyer, Philip Sturtz, didn't immediately return a message seeking comment

Source MSN

Friday, March 27, 2009


Silence is sometimes a very effective means of communication.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

IT As A Panacea

IT is the not the universal panacea for the world's problems.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Advice To Lord Myners

Give up now, before you suffer further humiliation and dishonour.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Personal Data

Voters should never allow the state access to excessive amounts of personal data. The state will always misuse the data for its own ends.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Targets encourage greed and cheating, and they stifle initiative and creativity. In the case of the NHS, they also kill people.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Advice To Workmen Who Charge By The Hour

Turn your mobiles off when you start a job and only turn them on to check them when you are on a break; rather than conducting your love life, placing bets and running half a dozen other jobs during the course of your paid by the hour assignment.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Procedures II

Procedures stifle risk taking and creativity.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


In order for mankind to progress and advance, it is necessary for the hand of religion to be removed from the political levers of power and influence.

Friday, March 13, 2009


People hide behind procedures to avoid using their initiative and intelligence.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Reality Check

In case some of you haven't yet realised it, the UK is now broke.

All the plans and promises made by the government wrt pensions, NHS, education etc will be quietly broken; as there simply isn't any cash left to pay for them.

We have been living beyond our means, the consequences are not going to be very pleasant.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


It is the law of nature that the coughing, sneezing, sweating and bright green emissions from a cold are at their very peak just before you have it beaten.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cat Flaps

It is an irrefutable law of the universe that people who live in homes with cat flaps will find that a cat walks through it one day, even if it not the cat's normal residence.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Seat Belts

Why are airplanes and cars required to have seat belts, but not buses and trains?

Friday, March 06, 2009

Advice To Harriet Harman

Your "court of public opinion" is nothing more than a lynch mob stirred up by lousy politicians such as yourself, in a pathetic attempt to divert the public's attention from your own failures and to conduct your private vendettas.

To say that public opinion outranks the rule of law shows the contempt that you, and your colleagues, have for the rule of law in the UK.

My advice to you is to shut up, lest someone subject you to the "court of public opinion".

Lynch mobs can turn on those who set them up!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Advice To French Concierges

When you are given a package for one of your residents, deliver it to that resident asap don't stuff it in a cubby hole and go on holiday for week.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


Why is Ted Kennedy receiving an honorary knighthood for his IRA fundraising activities?

Tuesday, March 03, 2009


You cannot cherry pick which aspects of freedom you approve of, and which you don't.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Question To Gordon Brown et al

As and when you leave office, and leave the country and its financial system in a mess; will you forgo your pension and future earnings from lecture tours etc, as you have suggested that the "greedy" bankers (some of whom you gave knighthoods to) should do?

Friday, February 27, 2009

Question To Fred "The Shred" Goodwin

Is £650K per annum really worth all the fuss and collateral damage to your name?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Steak and Kidney Pudding

A magnificent dish, which is best enjoyed and digested when consumed before 10:00PM.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Beware the flabbermouth the gushes forth information at the most inappropriate moments to the most inappropriate people.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Advice To Somerfield

Ensure that at least one member of staff is available to man your deli counter.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Advice To East Croydon Train Station

Turn the volume up on your public address system, it is of little use if people cannot hear it!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Empty Vessels

Empty vessels are soon filled, beware what they are filled with!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Ravel's Bolero

Truly the most annoying piece of music ever written.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Advice To Spammers

Dear Spammers,

My thanks for the 200 plus messages of concern that you have sent me over the last 24 hours wrt the size, and performance, of my "wang".

However, please rest assured that my "wang" works perfectly satisfactorily and is of sufficient size to do the job required of it.

Thank you for your concern!

Please discontinue your spamming.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Age is no guarantee of wisdom, people can still behave remarkably stupidly whatever their age.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Advice To John Prescott

Rescinding bankers' bonus contracts may satisfy a short term political desire for "class revenge". However, do remember that you once fought for the right for "workers" to have contracts too.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Being Right

Being right is not always enough, and can be a burden.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Advice To Train Companies

Stop hiring managers who are adept at apologising.

Start hiring managers who are competent, and adept at running an efficient service.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Advice To Celebrities

Don't fly too close to the flame of fame, it will most surely burn your wings.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Advice To Trains Companies

During "bad" weather don't advise your customers to check for the latest train cancellations on your websites, if the websites themselves cannot cope with the demand.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009


Britain has shown the world, yet again, how unprepared it is for adverse weather conditions. Yesterday all London buses, most tube lines, most train services and Gatwick/Heathrow failed to operate.

A remarkable failure given that most of these services (airports excluded) were able run during the war, even at the height of the Blitz.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Advice To Councils

Given that the heavy snowfall from Russia was well predicted and reported, it might have been wise to have prepared (eg gritted the roads) a little more proactively.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Advice To The Purveyors of Bread

Don't sit on the loaves before you present them for sale.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Advice to Prime Ministers

Don't waste too much energy trying to cosy up to the USA, and claiming to the media that we have a special relationship.

We don't!

The USA will always act in its own best interests first (quite rightly so).

Monday, January 26, 2009

Advice to Prime Ministers

Don't keep blaming "global" issues for failures that are of your own creation.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Advice To Railtrack

A bus service, that is not shown on your timetable, does not constitute a train service!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Day

Every success to President Obama on this inauguration day, and the next four years in office.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Friday, January 16, 2009

Hot Air

Beware that "businessman" that writes lengthy emails extolling his/her company's virtues, yet never makes any clear proposals that can take the business relationship forward.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Advice To Restaurants

Don't try to push your customers to sit in parts of your restaurant that you want to make look busy, if your customers want to sit elsewhere.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Advice To Door To Door Salesmen

When someone tells you that they are about to eat, do not continue with your sales pitch but move on to the next house.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Plan B's

Never prepare a Plan B, its makes you less motivated to succeed with Plan A.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Monday, January 05, 2009

A Question To Israel and Hamas

When you have wiped each other off the face of the earth, as seems to be your avowed intentions, precisely what will have been the point of your existence?