Advice To Consumers

Don't fight over products in stores, not only is it undignified it is pointless; the product's "novelty" will soon wear off, and the void that the product temporarily filled will return with a vengeance!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends.

Evil

Evil can never face itself. Hence, in order to destroy it you must confront it with itself.

Temporal Paradoxes

Temporal paradoxes are resolved by the creation and addition of a new time-stream to those already in existence. Hence time travel is perfectly possible.

Log Fires

When tending a particularly sooty log fire, it is always advisable to scrub your nails thoroughly before going to bed.

Cat Alarm Clocks

Cats are very reliable alarm clocks. Unfortunately they are programmed to wake you at 5am.

Happy Beaujolais Nouveau Day

Ooh La La!

Happy World Toilet Day

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Staring at my intently from the windowsill, in the early hours, won't get me out of bed any faster in the mornings to feed you.

Firmly Grounded

The more firmly you are grounded, the greater the heights you can aspire to fly to.

Flat Roofs

Given the predominance of rain in the UK, it is very bold of some people to design and build flat roofed homes.

Advice To Manufacturers of Prepacked Sliced Chicken Breast

Pressing the wafer thin slices of reformed chicken slurry so tightly together in the pack makes it impossible to separate them.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please don't dribble into my ear when I am sleeping.

Armistice Day

Thor's Hammer

Thor is continuing to strike his hammer against his anvil, this despite it being November.

Have we displeased him in some way?

Advice To Spiders

Get out of my bathroom, or I will send the cat in after you!

Fireworks

When positioning a Roman Candle, or an equivalent star shooting pyrotechnic, it is advisable to ensure that the location is not overhung by a tree!

Bonfire Night

Happy Bonfire Night!

Halloween Pumpkins

It is inadvisable to use more than one candle in a Halloween pumpkin, lest the pumpkin catches fire from the excess heat.

Test of Character

It is a true test of someone's character to get up on a wet, windy, grey, cheerless November Monday morning!