Ken's Blue Blog
Musings on "the bleedin' obvious"; views on the meaning of life, or anything else that takes my fancy.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Such A Wind!

What a windy rainy day!

Tomorrow's New Year's celebrations may well be a bit of a wash out.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Horizon

Running towards the horizon is a futile exercise, as space is curved you will only end up back where you started.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Advice To Clive

Please dry yourself before sitting on our chairs!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


One man's "chaos" is another's opportunity.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


The muse has temporarily run out.

Thursday, December 05, 2013


But for the wind, the winter in this country could be tolerable.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013


Egad, 21 days until Christmas and not one card written!

Tuesday, December 03, 2013


Deterrence is only effective if it prevents aggression.

Monday, December 02, 2013

Monday Morning

Another Monday morning has crashed down upon us, challenging us to face the week ahead!

Friday, November 29, 2013

Belated Happy Thanksgiving

A belated Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Tax Forms

A hunted for tax form is never found!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Brian Griffin

Egad, Brian Griffin has been killed off!

Monday, November 25, 2013

Brave Postie

My compliments to our hardy postman who is still wearing shorts, despite the fact it is late November.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Meat Stews

Meat stews really ought to contain some meat.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Product Insurance Salespersons

What is it with oven/boiler insurance salespersons repeatedly bombarding me with phone calls and letters entreating me to insure my oven and boiler?

No means NO!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


The greyness of the weather saps the inspiration.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Internet

Why does my connection to the net always crash at the precise moment I am trying to open an important document?

Monday, November 18, 2013

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Rules of a Good Man

The rules that a good man lives his life by are not a sign of weakness, but are in fact a sign of strength.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Life Before Mobile Phones

Believe it or not, life and human interaction was possible before the advent of mobile phones!

Monday, November 11, 2013

The British Climate

People complain that it is cold in Britain around this time of year. They are wrong, it's not cold as such it's damp; it's the damp that makes it feel cold.

Thursday, November 07, 2013


Evil cowers when a good man goes to war!

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

Happy Guy Fawkes Night!

Enjoy your bonfires (please check for hedgehogs etc nesting in them before you light them) and fireworks this evening folks!

Monday, November 04, 2013


Why do bills all turn up in clusters like buses?

Friday, November 01, 2013


Managed to endure another Halloween of noisy knockers!

Thursday, October 31, 2013


Beware the beggars ringing your doorbells tonight!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Question For Clive The Cat

Do you do nothing but eat and sleep here, even though this is not your home?

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


My spam box is becoming so overloaded these days that I could make a batch of sandwiches out of the spam that could feed thousands!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Closed Doors

A closed door is not necessarily a locked door!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Economic Booms and Busts

Economic booms and busts are like the tides, whilst you cannot prevent them happening you should build sufficient defences in order to weather them.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Advice To Clive

Your mummy and daddy will be missing you if you continue to eat and sleep here!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


Will someone please turn that bleedin' bleeping off.

I am not on fire am I?

Monday, October 21, 2013


Porridge should be fibrous and coarse, not milled to a fine powder with no texture/body!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Advice To Clive

Egad sir, you are eating us out of house and home!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Advice To Clive

You do not live here, your mummy and daddy live down the road!

Monday, October 14, 2013

Rolling Stones

Rolling stones may well gather no moss. However, if they are large enough, they sure as hell crush the moss!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Today Is Porridge Day

I officially declare today to be porridge day!

Please note you make it with water, you do not add milk instead you may add a pinch of salt; and you must eat it standing up!

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

Monday, October 07, 2013


Wisdom is not being stressed at being "wise" after the event.

Friday, October 04, 2013

That Friday Feeling

That Friday feeling is distinctly lacking at the moment; given the grey, wet, windy weather. Summer seems but a long faded memory!

Thursday, October 03, 2013


Victory is a dangerous opportunity.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Ongoing Advice To Clive

Sorry Clive, we have had to temporarily bar you from the kitchen as you keep eating our cat's food in vast quantities!

Tuesday, October 01, 2013


It is advisable to make a will, no matter what your age, and of the utmost importance that the location of the will be communicated to relevant parties such as your lawyer.

Monday, September 30, 2013


Another dismal Monday crashes down upon us with the depressing inevitability of an unloved season!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Apologies To The Teddy Bear Cat

I am glad to hear that you do in fact have an owner, who lives locally, and apologies for not up until now knowing you real name which I understand is Clive.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Consciences In Business

Consciences and being a "c*nt" in business should not be confused. You can have a conscience and be a wealthy businessperson, but being a "c*nt" in business precludes you from having conscience.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Advice To The Teddy Bear Cat

Sorry Teddy Bear cat, it is evident you have lost your owners (or that they have lost you), as such we have asked a local cat re-homing organisation to visit to take you in for proper care (to check if you are chipped) and if necessary to find you a loving home.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Tis Friday

Tis Friday and, as is the tradition, my email box is stuffed with a veritable smorgasbord of offers for my "erectile dysfunction", my libido and a mysterious product called "vigara"!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Great Lies of The 21st Century

"We've made the menu options easier for you to access the service that you are looking for."

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Advice To The Teddy Bear Cat

Rosie may not mind sharing her food supplies with you, but we would appreciate a contribution towards it!

Monday, September 16, 2013

Advice To Banks

I am not an algorithm, I am an individual!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Happy Friday The 13th!

A happy, safe and enjoyable Friday the 13th to you all!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Family Feuds

Family feuds drag on for so long usually because those involved cannot, or will not, see that the protagonists are in many respects identical in personality, behaviour and trigger points.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The wooden decking and stairs that lead from the lounge into the garden is being replaced to make it safe to use for all of our benefits.

In the meantime you will have to use your cat flap to go into the garden, rather than ask us to open the lounge/garden door for you.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


There's nowt so blind as those who will not see.

Monday, September 09, 2013

Advice To Prince Andrew

The Royal protection officers have nothing to apologise for!

Friday, September 06, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Nigel has asked me to remind you that he did fill your food bowl on several occasions, therefore he had a right to borrow it for his own food and return it to you washed.

Thursday, September 05, 2013

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Advice To House Guests From My Cat

The cat's food bowls are white, and should not be used for your morning cereal.

Those who do use the cat's bowls should be aware that she expects house guests to wash them thoroughly afterwards.

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Proofreading Email

It is best to proofread your email before hitting the "send" button.

Monday, September 02, 2013

The Definition of a Bank

A bank will rent you an umbrella only to forcibly repossess it from you when it starts to rain.

Friday, August 30, 2013

War Memorials

To build a war memorial, first find a million victims.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

It is very rude of you to barge past people on the stairs when you are going for your breakfast.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Save A Fly

It is good to save a fly from drowning in a drop of water.

For who is to say that one day you yourself may be that fly in need of rescue?

Thursday, August 22, 2013


Errmm excuse me Mr Weather Forecaster, but what happened to today's much vaunted heatwave, all I see from my window is rain?

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


Lifespans are relative, whether they are "short" or "long" is dependent on the observer's perspective.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Monday, August 19, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Apologies for the inconvenience caused to your lifestyle and daily routines by the fact that we have guests coming and going at the moment.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Advice To Our Neighbours' Cat

Please stop jumping into our lightwell, you know that you cannot get out once you are down there!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Fear not, the nice man from Sainsburys' will soon be here with your food delivery.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Train Companies Maintain 100% Punctuality

Kudos to the train companies for maintaining their 100% punctuality record for delivering inflation busting price increases.

Well done lads, keep it up!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Advice To My Neighbours' Cat

It is better to jump over our fence when you want to visit our cat, rather than punching a hole in it with your head!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Apologies To My Cat

Sorry, we forgot to celebrate World Cat Day on 8 August.

Friday, August 09, 2013

Talking Heads

Beware self appointed talking heads who claim to be experts on a specific topic. Invariably they are not experts and more often than not use their five seconds of fame to manipulate the narrative for their own ends.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Comeback Sunshine

Come on sunshine, it's still early August you're not giving up on summer already are you?

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Energy Drinks

Why do people who drink energy drinks rarely have the energy to put the empty cans in the bin?

Monday, August 05, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My early morning cat breakfast feeding time call is not scheduled for 4:00AM!

Friday, August 02, 2013

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Wednesday, July 31, 2013


The enemy always has a say in your plans!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

My Thanks To My Cat

Thank you for warming my office chair on this rather chilly July morning!

Monday, July 29, 2013

White Jacket

Right then, where's my white jacket gone???

Friday, July 26, 2013

Advice To The Archbishop of Canterbury

Before smiting money lenders, make sure that you dispose of your shareholdings in them!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Advice To The Teddy Bear Cat

You are welcome to come and call for Rosie, but please do so less noisily.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013


Civilisation is a state of mind that exists between the ears.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Friday, July 19, 2013

Weather Forecast

Today I will be drinking mainly Red Stripe.

Thursday, July 18, 2013


It is inadvisable to smear syrup onto the TV remote control.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Opinions are great, so long as I agree with them!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Sainsbury's will deliver your food within the hour!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Friday, July 12, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Bank statements are not cat bedding for sleeping on or scratching.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Where's The Sun?

Where's the sun gone, and what happened to the fortnight long heatwave that we were promised by the weather "forecasters"?

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


Don't let your watch tell you the time, ie don't let it control your life; you should be telling it the time!

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Friday, July 05, 2013

Happy Bikini Day

Seemingly today is Bikini Day (the bikini was invented on this day in 1946) and, according to the spam in my inbox, I need to get myself into "bikini body shape" for the summer.

Well then!

Thursday, July 04, 2013

Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day to my American friends:
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Advice To Dell

"Live" online chat with your sales team means "live", not a blank screen making me wait an interminable length of time for someone to respond!

Monday, July 01, 2013

Plea To Microsoft

Please bring back Hotmail, Outlook is a disaster!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Question For My Cat

You can't read Swedish, therefore why are you sitting on Stadsholmens magazine?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013



In June?

In the UK?

During Wimbledon?

Surely not?

Monday, June 24, 2013

The British Summer

In the absence of any credible weather forecast one way or another, and based on the mixed signals from the mixture of cloud and sun this morning, I have hedged my bets and am wearing black (winter appropriate) jeans accompanied by a Hawaiian style T-shirt.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Why can't you learn to use the vacuum cleaner like this cat?

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Advice To Self

Never attempt to trim one's eyebrows with an electric razor whilst hungover.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

You should not spend the summer days idling your life away sleeping in our duvet!

Monday, June 17, 2013

Today's Word

Today's word is:


Friday, June 14, 2013

Microsoft Outlook

So we are agreed then, Microsoft Outlook is a complete and utter clusterfuck!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Wednesday, June 12, 2013


It is inadvisable for participants in a planned meeting to try to wrong foot each other before the meeting has actually been confirmed.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013


How ironic that a country that feels it is wrong (both constitutionally and ethically) to monitor the communications of its own citizens, and indeed loudly proclaims that fact in defence of its cyber monitoring policy, feels that it is perfectly acceptable to monitor the communications of everyone else on the planet.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The vet who used the thermometer on you this morning was doing so in your best interests.

Friday, June 07, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

I appreciate that furballs need to be brought up, but please do not bring them up on our freshly cleaned Chinese rug!

Thursday, June 06, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Paper bags are for carrying things, not for sleeping on.

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Question For Three

What is the point of a mobile phone service if the connection to the network drops whenever I try to use the phone in certain rooms of my house?

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Advice To Self

Don't eat gravy when wearing white trousers.

Monday, June 03, 2013

Friday, May 31, 2013

Thursday, May 30, 2013


A person's true character is best revealed by their actions when he/she is asked for help by someone who cannot possibly ever return the favour.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Don't stand on your tail when you are sitting down, it can't be very comfortable.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The touch sensitive talking alarm clock/thermometer in the spare bedroom is for human use, not for pussycat use at 4:00AM!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013


There are good, efficient, knowledgeable professionals and incompetent, useless "professionals".

Choose your "professional" wisely!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

I really shouldn't have to lift you to your food bowl in order to tempt you to eat, you do have legs and can perfectly well walk to it!

Friday, May 17, 2013

The Benefits of Wall Staring

I commend that psychological benefits of wall staring.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

A Pox Upon Microsoft Downloads

My thanks to Microsoft for downloading a "service pack" into my pc yesterday that took 30 minutes for my pc to configure, before it would allow me to use it; and then slowing the pc down for another hour whilst other downloads were assimilated.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Advice To Dishonest Businessmen

In the short term your scams, con tricks and dishonesty may well give you some short term gains. However, in the long term these lies and scams will avail you of nothing; you will end up penniless and friendless.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Wise Owl

A wise owl said to me yesterday:
"Being ashamed is far better than being shameful".
He is a wise owl indeed!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Advice To Apprentice Candidates

To experience true "blue sky thinking", open a window and throw yourselves out of it.

Friday, May 10, 2013

The Danger of Sandals

Sandals are unsatisfactory footwear, they signify undisciplined thinking and louche behaviour.

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Advice To Apprentice Candidates

Try sprinkling less cocaine on your cornflakes in the morning; that way you will have a more balanced and realistic perception of yourselves, your skills, your personalities and how you interact with others around you.

Tuesday, May 07, 2013


Sunshine over the bank holiday weekend, who would have thought it?

Friday, May 03, 2013

Advice To Mr Muscle

Put your drain unblocking product into a bottle that can actually be opened by a human being!

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Great Lies of The 21st Century

"We value our customers and have listened to their opinions."

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please do not sleep on the TV remote control when I am trying to watch TV.