Summer

 

Will summer ever start?

Advice To Authors

 

Use the same words and phrases repeatedly in your manuscript, this ensuring it runs for many pages!

Advice To Actors

 

When on stage or in shot, speak very slowly and very loudly.

That way you will be on stage/in shot for longer and make a larger impression on the audience!

Thunder and Lightning!

 

It is late May and here we are in the midst of a huge thunderstorm.

The British summer has well and truly arrived!

Summer

  

I enjoyed Summer yesterday!

Advice To WAGs

 

The next time you have a hissy fit over some alleged social media "insult", instead of humiliating yourselves in front of the entire country and wasting thousands of pounds on lawyers in an expensive show-trial, why not simply do what you would have done in the past before you became involved with wealthy footballers?

Namely go to Wetherspoons, have a bucket-load of tequila, then duke it out in the car park.

That way you will save money, only humiliate yourselves in front of the customers of Wetherspoons and save the rest of us from enduring your shit-show on the evening news!

How To Get The Wheat Out of Odessa

 

Given that a large percentage of the world's wheat supplies are stuck in Ukraine, because of lack of access to the Black Sea ports in and around Odessa, the only solution is that of a 21st century Berlin airlift.

Stalin did not attack aircraft bringing much needed supplies to West Berlin in 1948/49. By that same token, Putin will not attack a well protected convoy of ships coming to bring supplies out of Odessa.

Question For Liverpool National Anthem Booers

 

Given your antipathy towards the monarchy, I trust and assume you will be working throughout the Jubilee Bank Holiday?

Happy Friday The 13th!

 

The Waves of Opportunity

 

Use the waves of opportunity to achieve success, but beware the ebbing tide of failure!

The Dangers of Witch Hunts

 

Witch hunts are all very well and exciting, until someone accuses the hunter of being a witch!

Shoe Lace Tips

 

If your shoe laces keep coming undone, then boil them.

Failing that, don't wear lace up shoes!

Money

 

Money talks.

Wealth whispers.

Who's Lorraine?