Ken's Blue Blog
Musings on "the bleedin' obvious"; views on the meaning of life, or anything else that takes my fancy.

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Ken's New Year Message

We bestride the cleft of the buttocks of not only a new year, but a new decade.

At this moment have a thought for past actions, decisions and plans that have been delayed and put off for weeks, months or even years.

Delay, dithering and procrastination in the hope that something will work out invariably makes matters worse.

I urge you to follow these three simple rules:

1 Don't dither.

2 Don't delay.

3 Make the decision, take action and grasp your destiny firmly by the horns; as you don't know how long you have left to enjoy the fruits of your labours.

The future is firmly in front of you, and it is in your hands!

Happy New Decade.

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Merry Christmas

 I wish you all a Merry and peaceful Christmas!

Monday, December 23, 2019

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - A Gentle Reminder

It will be Christmas Day a week from now!

You are welcome!

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Ordering Drinks In The Pub

At Christmas time, when pubs and bars are heaving, always make sure that you ask to test every beer and wine they have on the premises.

Landlords and customers alike are more than happy to wait for you to test everything, before you end up ordering a half of Carling!

Friday, December 13, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Food and Booze Supplies

When judging how much food and booze you need to buy, ensure that you have enough to sate the appetites of quadruple the number of people you expect to socialise with over the Festive period (ie 12 days).

For why?

Most shops will be shut for 12 hours over Christmas.

Thursday, December 12, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - An Elegant Sufficiency

When you go Christmas drinking, and have had an elegant sufficiency, always ensure that your route home has plenty of lampposts to steady your progress.

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Hangovers

Avoid hangovers by having an Alka-Seltzer before going to bed, washed down with a litre of water.
Then for breakfast have lemon juice and a banana, washed down with a litre of water.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Norovirus

Given the prevalence of Norovirus during the Festive Season, when socialising, always ensure that you thoroughly sanitise your hands and fingers before touching any orifices!

Monday, December 09, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - The Flaming Pudding

In order to ensure you have a flaming pudding, always warm your brandy first!

Friday, December 06, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Prick Your Bird's Thighs

One of the trickiest parts of cooking on Christmas Day is knowing when your bird is ready.

Simply prick your bird's thighs; if the juices run clear your bird is ready, if there is blood then your bird needs more time in the oven.

Thursday, December 05, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Be Careful of Your Nuts

Beware overindulging in nuts before consuming your bird, lest you not have the necessary appetite to do the bird justice!

Wednesday, December 04, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Don't Watch The BBC

The BBC is presenting its worst Christmas Day schedule since I can remember (they have even exhumed The Two Ronnies!).

I have an old Radio Times in my archives from the 70's, that has a better selection of programmes that this pile of shite.


Tuesday, December 03, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Moist Breasts

In order to ensure that your bird has moist breasts, roast it upside down then rest for at least 30 minutes before consuming.

Monday, December 02, 2019

Ken's Christmas Tips - Erecting Your Tree II

When erecting your tree, always ensure that it is firmly and stably mounted lest it collapses!