Money

Money is like the tides, it ebbs and flows.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Is it really necessary to jump up on the bed five times during the night, and then bash me on my nose and mouth with your paw if I don't spend at least five minutes each time stroking you?

Advice To Sky Sports Presenters

Treat every microphone and camera as "live".

Question For George Osborne

It snowed in Germany too, yet they achieved growth of 0.5%.

Does this mean the decline in our GDP wasn't due to the snow, or does it mean that our country is so poorly managed that it cannot withstand "weather shocks"?

Advice To Manufacturers of Juice Containers

Tamper proof seals are an excellent idea. However, making them so "tamper proof" that a knife has to be violently used to break them (then causing the juice to gush everywhere) is not such a good idea.

Advice To Police Protection Officers

Keep your hands off the spouses of your clients.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

It is inadvisable to jump on my stomach in the morning if, the night before, I have consumed a very strong chili con carne.

Strategies

Strategies based on wishful thinking and false premises are destined to fail.

Advice To Politicians

Try walking in your voters' shoes first, before lecturing them on how to live their lives (wrt eg diet, drinking, smoking etc).

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please do not eat the needles from our demised Christmas tree that are still on the floor, I am sure that they can't be any good for you.

Ongoing Advice To My cat

When you come in from the rain, please dry off and wipe your paws before jumping on the clean laundry.

Political Bullshit

When a politician says this:

"I deeply regret my actions".

What the politician actually means is this:

"I deeply regret being found out".

Consequences

Advice To Politicians

Running campaigns that target political opponents with the imaginary crosshairs of a rifle sight will backfire on you.

Playbooks

Playbooks or, for want of a better word, "strategies" only work if all those involved are actually following them and are on the same page.

Advice To "Flu" Victims

If you are capable of walking unaided to your doctor's surgery, to spread your disease to others, then it is unlikely that you have full blown flu.

Bollocks Products of The 21st Century

Anti slip tiles.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

It cannot be good for you to press your bottom against the radiator for so long when sleeping.

Bullshitter of The Year

Congratulations to Michael Roberts, CEO of the Association of Train Operating Companies, for winning the 2011 "Bullshitter of The Year" Award only two days into 2011.

Roberts claims that the outrageous rise in train fares will result in "more trains and better services".

ROFLOL!