Advice To FIFA

Learn to recognise a crisis when you are embroiled in one.

Advice To Self

Don't download photo gallery programmes without first reading the terms and conditions!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please don't jump on my stomach in bed in the morning when I have yet to go to the loo.

Advice To Nectar

When sending email newsletters, inviting people to visit your website, it would be wise to ensure that your website is actually working and not down for "maintenance".

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The binmen aren't evil, they are not going to attack you.

Advice To Celebrities and London Lawyers

When seeking a "super injunction" don't forget that Scotland is (as far as the legal system concerned) a separate country.

Advice To Self

Think a construction idea through more thoroughly, before asking a builder to come round to quote for it!

Apologies To My Cat

Sorry that the cat food cupboard was bare this morning, aside from some dry food, stocks will be replenished ASAP.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

I see that not only have you ignored my advice not to "dally" with the fat neighbourhood Tom, but you now bring him inside for your dalliances!

Please do it outside!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Don't waste your time with that fat Tom cat who calls on you regularly; he is only after one thing, and the vet has fixed it that you cannot have kittens.

The Weather Gods

In keeping with time honoured tradition, having ordered a new barbecue for delivery today the weather gods have decided to piss down upon my home.

Advice To Accounting Professionals

Don't be ashamed of your profession!

Advice To LG

Please make TV's that can actually be turned off by the power switch on the TV, rather than be left permanently on standby unless the mains is turned off.

Leaving a TV on standby wastes power, and presents a fire risk.

A Good Start

My 96 can order of Red Stripe has just been deleivered.

Days do not start better than this!

Happy Europe Day!

Barf!

Purrfectly Purrposterous!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please stop licking your cut paw, it will never heal otherwise.

Back To The Future - The Retro Keyboard

The Dangers of Fly Swatting

When swatting a fly, beware that you don't inadvertently hit a wasp nest.

Advice To My Boiler

The next time you choose to break down please choose a working day, rather than a long bank holiday weekend!