Monday

Another dismal Monday crashes down upon us with the depressing inevitability of an unloved season!

Apologies To The Teddy Bear Cat

I am glad to hear that you do in fact have an owner, who lives locally, and apologies for not up until now knowing you real name which I understand is Clive.

Consciences In Business

Consciences and being a "c*nt" in business should not be confused. You can have a conscience and be a wealthy businessperson, but being a "c*nt" in business precludes you from having conscience.

Advice To The Teddy Bear Cat

Sorry Teddy Bear cat, it is evident you have lost your owners (or that they have lost you), as such we have asked a local cat re-homing organisation to visit to take you in for proper care (to check if you are chipped) and if necessary to find you a loving home.

Tis Friday

Tis Friday and, as is the tradition, my email box is stuffed with a veritable smorgasbord of offers for my "erectile dysfunction", my libido and a mysterious product called "vigara"!

Great Lies of The 21st Century

"We've made the menu options easier for you to access the service that you are looking for."

Advice To The Teddy Bear Cat

Rosie may not mind sharing her food supplies with you, but we would appreciate a contribution towards it!

Advice To Banks

I am not an algorithm, I am an individual!

Happy Friday The 13th!

A happy, safe and enjoyable Friday the 13th to you all!

Family Feuds

Family feuds drag on for so long usually because those involved cannot, or will not, see that the protagonists are in many respects identical in personality, behaviour and trigger points.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The wooden decking and stairs that lead from the lounge into the garden is being replaced to make it safe to use for all of our benefits.

In the meantime you will have to use your cat flap to go into the garden, rather than ask us to open the lounge/garden door for you.

Blindness

There's nowt so blind as those who will not see.

Advice To Prince Andrew

The Royal protection officers have nothing to apologise for!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Nigel has asked me to remind you that he did fill your food bowl on several occasions, therefore he had a right to borrow it for his own food and return it to you washed.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Nigel has apologised for using your bowl.

Advice To House Guests From My Cat

The cat's food bowls are white, and should not be used for your morning cereal.

Those who do use the cat's bowls should be aware that she expects house guests to wash them thoroughly afterwards.

Proofreading Email

It is best to proofread your email before hitting the "send" button.

The Definition of a Bank

A bank will rent you an umbrella only to forcibly repossess it from you when it starts to rain.