Title

Ken's Blue Blog
Musings on "the bleedin' obvious"; views on the meaning of life, or anything else that takes my fancy.

Tuesday, October 04, 2022

Trump Was Right About Nord Stream

 

Monday, October 03, 2022

Self Help Books

 


Bookshops abound with self help books that promise all kinds of improvements in your life eg; money, health, mental well-being etc.

Yet there is most decidedly a gap in the market for books that appeal to the most basic human instincts eg; laziness, sloth, greed, gluttony etc.

Where are the books that help people become more lazy, more greedy etc?


Monday, September 26, 2022

Ken's Christmas Tips - Brussels Sprouts


 

Now that Christmas is less than three months away, it is vital that you start boiling your brussels sprouts immediately; in order to ensure that they are totally devoid of taste, texture, colour and goodness!

Friday, September 23, 2022

BST To Stay

 


Unconfirmed reports are reaching me that British Summer Time is expected to continue, and that the clocks will not be put back next month.

Given that it is pissing down, this move is ironic, but welcome news!

Thursday, September 22, 2022

Let Joy Be Untrammelled!


 

Despite inflation in all manner of goods and service prices, my insurance quote for the coming year has fallen by a staggering £8.

Let joy be untrammelled!

Friday, September 16, 2022

Thoughts and Prayers for Jedward

 

Thoughts and prayers for Jedward, as dementia has clearly set in!

Monday, September 12, 2022

Energy Saving Tip


 

 Cut down your electricity usage by a third, by using two pin plugs instead of three pin ones!

Wednesday, September 07, 2022

Energy Saving Tip


  

Your smart meter uses electricity, turn it off to save money!

Tuesday, September 06, 2022

Cincinnatus

 

Don't forget, Cincinnatus returned from the farm!

Thursday, September 01, 2022

The 'Er Months Are Upon Us!


 

Today, 1 September, marks the beginning of the "'er months".

Wednesday, August 31, 2022

Poem For The Rat That Crosses My Path Every Morning Along The Seafront


 

Good morning Mr Rat,

Where are you at?

Lucky for you,

I didn't bring my cat!


The End

Tuesday, August 30, 2022

The Sunday Sport Nails It!

 

Thursday, August 25, 2022

Risk

 


A ship in a harbour is exposed to less risk than when it is at sea. However, that is not why ships are built!

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Prepping For The Winter Energy Crisis


 

Remember to have plentiful stocks of tinned food that can be eaten without being heated up, and remember to have a tin opener in case the pull ring/can key breaks!

Monday, August 15, 2022

Save Money on Postage


 

How to save money on postage:

1 Address the letter to yourself.

2 Write the recipient's address on the back.

3 Do NOT put a stamp on it.

4 Post it.

The Royal Mail will then send it to the addressee on the back, saying insufficient postage!

Thursday, August 11, 2022

Kudos To The Labour Party

 


Kudos to the Labour party, they have held a secret leadership election and voted in Gordon Brown as their new leader in less than a week.

Something the Tories could learn from!

Monday, August 08, 2022

Advice To Ballet Companies


 

Hire taller dancers, so that they don't have to stand on their tippy toes!

Friday, August 05, 2022

Energy Cost Saving Tip


 

Boil as much water as you can during the period before the price of energy goes up again, then freeze it and use it when energy prices have risen.

Thursday, August 04, 2022

Well Done Nancy!

 

Wednesday, August 03, 2022

IRONY KLAXON - Blue Horseshoe Loves TSMC

 




Is it not "ironic" that Pelosi's husband has traded large volumes of chip shares recently?

Monday, July 25, 2022

The Law of Sod

 


As soon as you go to the pub to sit in the sunny pub garden, the sun goes behind the clouds!

Friday, July 22, 2022

Rain Stops Play

 


The rain has just stopped Swampy and his mates from the eco nazis from setting fire to more fields, which just goes to show that every cloud has a silver lining!

Monday, July 18, 2022

Heat Tips for The One Day of British Summer


 

Drink chilled Red Stripe, vodka and champagne.

Take a teaspoon of salt every hour or so.

Maintain a stiff upper lip!

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

How To Remove a BottleLox


 

I had the misfortune to have a bottle of booze delivered the other day with a BottleLox still attached.

The supermarket very kindly credited me for the booze, and left me to my own devices wrt removing the BottleLox.

Easy peasy!

All you need is a knife and fork.

Slip the knife in the base, and ease the contraption upwards.

When resistance is felt, remove the knife and insert the fork.

Use the fork to unlock the second part of the lock and blinkey, blonkey, blimey all done!

Monday, July 11, 2022

Advice To The Media


 

Your role is to inform the public's opinion, not manipulate it!

Thursday, July 07, 2022

Thought For The Day


 

“Unselfishness, means simply this – you will put first the honour and interests of your country and regiment; next you will put the safety, well-being and comfort of your men; and last – and last all the time – you will put your own interest, your own safety, your own comfort.”

Field Marshal William Joseph Slim, 1st Viscount Slim, KG, GCB, GCMG, GCVO, GBE, DSO, MC, KStJ

Wednesday, July 06, 2022

Advice To Morrisons


 

Take the security tag off my booze before you deliver it!

Tuesday, July 05, 2022

Twitter Rumours


 

Twitter rumours aren't worth the cyberspace that they are typed in!

Friday, July 01, 2022

Westminster


 

Home to drunkards, letchers, perverts, psychopaths, sociopaths and inveterate liars.

Thursday, June 30, 2022

Advice To Halifax (The Bank)

 


Doing a Ratner may not have been the wisest decision you have made.

BTW, given that you claim to be so concerned about "equality", do your female members of staff (with or without penises) receive the same pay and benefits as your male staff (pronouns and all)?

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Thoughts and Prayers With Steve Bray's Amplifiers

 


Our thoughts and prayers are with Steve Bray's amplifiers today, as they have been removed from him by the police under the draconian rule of the most right wing Tory government since 1346.

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

The De-evolution of Russia


 

Russia continues to de-evolve from a powerful leading member of the international community, to the equivalent of the neighbours from hell spitting at their neighbours and anyone who walks past them in the street.

Dealing with neighbours from hell is costly and time consuming!

Monday, June 27, 2022

Happy Reg Varney Day!

 

Thursday, June 23, 2022

Sartorial Advice For Those Attending Porn Film Award Ceremonies


 

When wearing an unbuttoned shirt, always remember to wear a medallion.

Also, socks with shoes are a must have accessory!

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

David Videcette Nails It - DLR

 


Thursday, June 16, 2022

Some Days...

 


Some days just don't work as you want them to, when that happens turn off your computer and take some fresh air.

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Advice To Welby

 


Trying to become the 21st century version of Thomas à Becket will end in tears.

 


Monday, June 13, 2022

Wednesday, June 08, 2022

How To Speed Up The Introduction of Driverless Tube Trains

Q: How To Speed Up The Introduction of Driverless Tube Trains?

A: Tube Drivers to go on strike.

Tuesday, June 07, 2022

Victory vs Defeat


 

Victory has a hundred fathers, but defeat is an orphan!

Wednesday, June 01, 2022

Give It a Go!

 


Kudos and credit to all of those people who have tried and failed.

There are many people who have never tried at all!

Monday, May 30, 2022

Friday, May 27, 2022

Advice To Authors


 

Use the same words and phrases repeatedly in your manuscript, this ensuring it runs for many pages!