Happy Lunar New Year - The Year of The Tiger

 

Mask Effectiveness

 Remember folks your masks will only protect you if you post a photo of you wearing one on social media!

Happy #AustraliaDay

 

 Happy Australia Day to the good people of Australia (currently living in a dictatorship).

Happy Burns Night

 

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis

The Dead Cat Strategy

 

The pile of dead cats is growing on a daily basis, there are now so many that it's hard to know/remember what it is exactly that we are meant to be not looking at!

Advice To The Media

 

Whilst you are busy hyperventilating over socially distanced drinks held almost 2 years ago, and salivating over your efforts to become the news and topple a serving Prime Minister, you might want to turn your attention to the imminent Russian invasion of Ukraine and what the government is doing to mitigate the fallout from that!

When is an Invasion Not an Invasion?

When it's a minor incursion!

The Issue

 

 When the issue becomes the issue, then it is time to draw a line under it and move on!

The BBC

 

It Never Rains But it Pours!

 

People in Glass Houses

“It’s madness, it’s like everyone’s forgotten about coronavirus,” one man told LBC.

Hundreds have flocked to Southend Beach in Essex on the hottest day of the year. pic.twitter.com/cYyS2Qn7Tc

— LBC (@LBC) May 20, 2020

Ilfracombe is So Bracing!

 

I understand that Ilfracombe is the go to place today!

Advice To Civil Servants

When inviting people to a lockdown busting piss up, don't leave a digital trail!

Contingency Planning

 

Always be prepared for the next crisis, even if the current one hasn't fully abated!

Thongtastic!

 

Female shopper whips off her thong and wears it as a face mask after staff refused to serve her pic.twitter.com/JbN9Y0It6B

— The Sun (@TheSun) January 7, 2022

Experience Trumps Design Every Time!

 

Another Year!

  

Another year is upon us, let joy be untrammelled!