Jumping Ship

There is nothing to fear from jumping from a large tanker, especially if it is on fire!

Weather Apps Are Bollocks!

My weather app told me it was sunny this morning, yet my own eyes and my soaking wet cat told me that it was raining.

WTF is the point of a weather app if it can't even give an accurate analysis of the weather in real time?

Advice To Celebrities

The world doesn't have an infinite supply of botox and silicon!

Ears

Ears are best opened by hands.

Question For My Upper Right Front Incisor

You have served me well for many decades without mishap or complaint, how is it that one tiny piece of bone in a sausage caused you to part ways with my gum?

Breaking Things

Beware breaking things, especially regimes that you don't like; for once you break it you own it.

Ideas

Ideas only flourish when they are shared.

Opinions on Planning Applications

Opinions from neighbouring businesses on planning applications for another business are only valid, if those giving an opinion actually bother to turn up and open up their premises on a daily basis.

Advice To Incompetent Signmakers

Pay back the fucking money you owe!

Backstabbers

Backstabbers only succeed when you turn your backs on them.

Pneumonia

The advantage of having pneumonia, and the associated breathlessness, is that you can avoid taking phone calls from people you don't want to talk to.

Crises

Never let a good crisis go to waste.

Hence if you find out that you have pneumonia, use that as a good excuse to cancel a dental appointment.

The British Summer Installation Speed

As ever, the British summer is proving to be very slow to install this year!

Vacuum Cleaners

Vacuum cleaners are very good at being noisy, but invariably "suck" at actually removing dust and other detritus. Instead they redistribute the detritus in the air and around the room being vacuumed.

Blogger Down - Work Around

Whilst Blogger attempts to resolve its global crash, those of you who need to Blog may find this work-around helpful.

Go to draft.blogger.com  rather than www.blogger.com

Chicken and Rice

Chicken and rice are so very nice!