Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

A to B

The shortest route from A to B may well be a straight line. However, it may well not be the most interesting route.

Jumpers

When donning a jumper, it is important to check that it is not bearing stains from the previous evening's curry.

Advice To Tesco

Don't put pictures of penises on your buttermilk cartons.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Flageolet beans do not normally form part of a cat's diet!

Burying The Hatchet

When burying the hatchet be sure to do so firmly between the shoulder blades of your mortal enemy!

The Voice In Your Head

It is wise to follow the voice in your head.

However, be sure to choose the right voice; otherwise there may be a problem!

Sod's Law

It is the law of sod, that when you need a taxi to take the cat to the vet its takes farking 30 minutes to arrive!

New Leases of Life

New leases of life are not often granted, as and when they are use them to their utmost.

Advice To My PC

Sort out the "unresponsive script" issue, or I will take an axe to you!

Bananas

Bananas are a most efficacious way to start the day.

Advice To Apprentice Candidates

- You are not stealth bombers.

- There can only be 100% of anything tangible.

- Being 90% "handsome" is irrelevant and purely subjective.

etc etc sigh!