Advice To DHL

Some people work for a living, and can't stay in all day!

Why can't you deliver to neighbours???

Coughing Fits

Coughing fits are a most efficacious means of toning the abs!

Happy St George's Day

Life

Dearly beloved... (church in Tulsa, Oklahoma) #PrinceRIP pic.twitter.com/5zspq0nyeN

— R.Saddler (@Politics_PR) April 22, 2016

Pork Chops

Succulent pork chops with extra fat are most efficacious in every way imaginable!

Winning

Passion is not enough to win, passion needs to be combined with determination and resilience.

Advice To The Manufacturers of Trousers

Print your size labels with permanent non fading ink.

Monday Augury

A dead goose in the local park pond is not a good augury for a Monday morning.

Damp Squibs

Beware laughing at a neighbour's damp squib, lest he let off a really big firework that he had been keeping in reserve for a special occasion!

Fireworks

Fireworks are less impressive when you know what the running order and timings will be.

Advice To Journalists

Beware CIA operatives bearing gifts!

Burning Roof

When your roof is ablaze, don't procrastinate over having to use your entire supply of water up in order to extinguish the blaze.

You can fuss over your water supply once the blaze is extinguished!