Advice To Businesses In The Pre Christmas Period

As sure as eggs are eggs, any major decision taken in the hectic and "jolly" days leading up to Christmas will inevitably turn sour in the New Year.

Postpone all major decisions until the sober reality of January.

Advice To World Leaders and Businessmen wrt Dog Vomit

Don't return to dog vomit!

Advice To Businesses

Do not be quick to spend money you haven't got, in order to resolve someone else's fuck up!

Advice To Customers and Suppliers

It helps if you don't dick each other around, and are upfront at the beginning of a business relationship.

Consciences In Business

Consciences and being a "c*nt" in business should not be confused. You can have a conscience and be a wealthy businessperson, but being a "c*nt" in business precludes you from having conscience.

Advice To Dishonest Businessmen

In the short term your scams, con tricks and dishonesty may well give you some short term gains. However, in the long term these lies and scams will avail you of nothing; you will end up penniless and friendless.

Advice To Apprentice Candidates

To experience true "blue sky thinking", open a window and throw yourselves out of it.

Advice To Apprentice Candidates

Try sprinkling less cocaine on your cornflakes in the morning; that way you will have a more balanced and realistic perception of yourselves, your skills, your personalities and how you interact with others around you.

Houses of Cards

Houses made of cards look very elegant, and more often than not take much painstaking time and effort to construct. However, they readily collapse at the merest puff of air or tremble of the ground.

Advice To Businessmen

How to reclaim a bad debt.

Advice To Fishermen

When you have been fishing for a considerable period of time without a single bite, throw a stick of dynamite into the water in order to achieve some results.

The same advice can be used as a parable for those engaged in moribund diplomatic talks and those running businesses on their last legs.

Advice To Those Seeking Help and Co-operation

Don't take three weeks to respond to an email.

Advice To Businessmen - Laughter and Business

If you can't laugh at the absurdity of it all, then don't "go the show".

Advice To Cretinous Businessmen

When taking a third party to see a factory, company or exhibition always make sure that the place still exists and functions!

Advice To Business men - The Curse of Xmas

Businessmen beware the curse of Xmas, when everything that can go wrong with your business does go wrong in the run up to Xmas.

More often than not these errors, cock ups and disasters are not noticed until the New Year when it is often too late to resolve them.

Sound Business Advice

Turnover is vanity,

Profit is sanity,

Cash is reality!

Advice To Businessmen

A moribund website is synonymous with a moribund company.

Advice To Businessmen

Businesses fail when the board doesn't communicate with one another.

Advice To Businessmen

The butterfly style of management (flitting from one project to another, without ever focusing on one) is guaranteed to fail.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

There is nothing more satisfying than watching two dishonest organisations trying to con one another in a business deal, and seeing them both losing big time because of their greed and dishonesty.