Advice To Banks

 

Don't waste time and money on woke bollocks, focus on the bottom line.

Go woke, go broke!

Don't Fall For The Banks' Bullshit!

 

Certain banks and financial institutions are proposing that those who work from home after the pandemic should pay more tax, in order to support those who have to travel to the office.

Altruistic?

BOLLOCKS!

These institutions are not thinking of others, but merely themselves. 

For you see dear reader, they have large sums of money tied up in commercial property investments. 

Unless those properties are occupied they lose a fortune. Therefore from the banks' perspective the more people who are taxed back to offices, the better

Advice To Banks

Hiding behind call centre queues of 25 minutes or more won't save you from the wrath of your customers!

Advice To Banks

I am not an algorithm, I am an individual!

The Definition of a Bank

A bank will rent you an umbrella only to forcibly repossess it from you when it starts to rain.

How Tedious

How very tedious that some scumbag has attempted to fraudulently steal money from my bank account, thus necessitating the blocking of my bank card just as the weekend is about to begin!

Question For RBS

Why does it take up to six weeks for a Euro cheque drawn on the Ulster Bank (one of your brands) to clear into a sterling account of the NatWest (another one of your brands)?

Question for EU "Leaders"

When, because of your dithering, the people of Europe are unable to draw money out of ATMs (when the banking system collapses) what will you do then?

Bankers

Beware central bankers bearing gifts!

Advice To Barclays

The next time you close someone's account, don't charge them for the "privilege" of closing it; you will only end up looking foolish when the FOS tells you to pay the charge back.

Advice To Lickspittles

Doing the dirty work of other agencies, organisations and countries will come back and bite you in the arse.

Advice To Barclays

Before shutting down the bank account of a long standing customer of over 30 years, have the good sense and courtesy to inform him first!

Advice To Brighton Council

Beware high profile building projects, into which you have "invested political capital", the timescale of which are "very much in the laps of the banks".

Advice To Nat West

Re your new customer charter, it would be wise to practice what you preach before publicising this document so widely.

Advice To A Well Known High Street Bank

When I warn you that there is a high risk that a fraud may be occurring in one of your customer accounts, you would be well advised to look into it as a matter of urgency.

Bank Rescue Packages

Those who complain about the existence and size of the bank rescue packages put together by governments should bear in mind that the packages were not designed to save the banks, but were designed to save the economy from the banks.

Question To Gordon Brown et al

As and when you leave office, and leave the country and its financial system in a mess; will you forgo your pension and future earnings from lecture tours etc, as you have suggested that the "greedy" bankers (some of whom you gave knighthoods to) should do?

Advice To John Prescott

Rescinding bankers' bonus contracts may satisfy a short term political desire for "class revenge". However, do remember that you once fought for the right for "workers" to have contracts too.

Financial Waves

Those investors (both private and "professional") and bankers who think that they are riding an investment wave should beware, lest the wave turns out to be a bubble.

A Question for Hank Paulson

Why was Citigroup worth saving, but Lehman Brothers not?