2015

A happy, healthy, peaceful and prosperous 2015 to everyone!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous 2015!

Two Years

Whenever a politician or businessman says something will take two years to solve, be assured that he/she is lying. What he/she really means is that he/she has absolutely no clue as to whether the problem can be solved or how long it will take to solve.

Garlic

Today is a two cloves of garlic day for breakfast!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

It is rude, and not ladylike, to fart in my face at 4am when I am in bed trying to sleep.

Wounded Bears

Beware a wounded bear, it will strike you back.

Frost's Law

Decisions made and actions taken in the days running up to Christmas are invariably regretted in the days after New Year.

Advice To Hoteliers

You are there for your guests' convenience, not the other way around!

Pasta

It is unwise to eat large amounts of pasta three meals in succession.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The morning cat parade and circus on our bed is all very entertaining and "spectacular". However, please could you reschedule it from 4am to something a little closer to 7am?

Card Fraudsters

A pox upon the thieving little c*nt who tried to steal money from my bank account today!

Advice To The Advertisers of Antiperspirants

People do not wave their arms in the air, displaying their armpits for others to admire, with gormless self satisfied grins on their faces.

Advice To Travel Agents

Check your e tickets first before sending them to your clients, as time travel is not yet possible and it is "unlikely" to say the least that you can arrive the same day (when travelling eastwards long haul) before you left.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

There is no need to drag your food from your plate onto the floor when you are eating. The clean plate that we provide you with is there to be used for eating from.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

When you shed your claws on the floor/carpet, please could you pick them up and dispose of them properly.