Phone Restarts

Phone restarts invariably impose themselves upon you at the very time you most need to use your phone.

Question For My Mobile Phone

Why do you run out of power at the very minute I need to use you?

Life Before Mobile Phones

Believe it or not, life and human interaction was possible before the advent of mobile phones!

Question For Three

What is the point of a mobile phone service if the connection to the network drops whenever I try to use the phone in certain rooms of my house?

Advice To The Royal Family

Ban all mobile phones and cameras from your presence.

Gravy and Mobile Phones

It is unwise to spill gravy onto a touch screen mobile phone.

Advice To Self

Standing on my mobile really doesn't do it much good!

Mobiles

A watched mobile never texts.

Iterative Text

Complete and utter bollocks, I spurn it as I would spurn a rabid dog!

Advice To Callers

When leaving a mobile number for me to respond to your messages, make sure that the number actually works!

Touch Screen Mobiles

Total crap!

Advice To My Mobile Phone Service Provider

God help you if I find out that one of your staff has sold on my details to a rival company.

Advice To Workmen Who Charge By The Hour

Turn your mobiles off when you start a job and only turn them on to check them when you are on a break; rather than conducting your love life, placing bets and running half a dozen other jobs during the course of your paid by the hour assignment.

Advice To Mobile Phone Users

Turn them off when you are busy.

Man should be the master of technology, not technology the master of man.

Great Con Tricks of the 21st Century

Cash back schemes offered by mobile phone companies.

Advice To Mobile Phone Users

When tempted to talk loudly in a public place (eg train or bus) on your mobile, shut the fark up!

Advice To Mobile Phone Users

Don't give your credit card details out when using a mobile phone in a crowded train.

Mobile Phone Tariffs

Utterly incomprehensible!

These are clearly drafted by the same people who write the terms and conditions of credit card agreements.

Shopping

Parents, if you must bring your children into supermarkets with you; then at least have the good sense to turn your mobile phone off, so that you may keep an eye on your offspring.

Failure to keep an eye on them, will inevitably mean that they will get up to mischief; such as sitting in the refridgerator.