Dreams

Follow your dreams, lest they get away from you.

Don't let others rubbish them.

Tea

Rules for the preparation of the perfect cup of tea.

• Boil the water



• Scald the teapot with the water



• Put 1 teaspoon of tea in the pot for every cup being served, then add one for the pot



• Add boiling water



• Allow to "draw" for a few minutes



• Put the milk into the teacups first



• Fill the cups with tea until 3/4's full

Now you may enjoy your tea.

Theft

People are labouring under the delusion that the increase in reported theft is indicative of the moral decline of society.

I disagree, theft has been increasing because people now have possessions that are easy to carry and worth stealing.

The average home now contains; pc's, TV's, stereos, DVD's CD's and mobile phones. Indeed many people on the street carry walkmans and mobile phones, that are easy targets.

None of these products existed 50 years ago, when the reported crime rate was lower.

Exercise

An excessively boring activity, but necessary to healthy living.

If anyone can find a way of staying fit and slim, without the burden exercise they would make a fortune.

Saunas

An excellent method of purging the body of toxins and excess fluids, without the need for the quack doctor potions and pills purveyed by pharmacies and "health" stores.

I wholeheartedly commend them.

Space Travel

Expensive, dangerous and pointless.

The money wasted on this indulgence can put to better use here on Earth.

Spring vs Autumn

The young dislike the old, because they perceive them to be slow, crotchety and in a permanent state of angst.

The old dislike the young, because they perceive them to be noisy, disrespectful and carefree.

In other words, two sides of the same coin.

Soil

Do you realise that one teaspoonful of soil contains more individual bacteria, than the entire human population of earth?

Makes you think doesn't it?

My Top Ten Films

1 Zulu
2 Battle of Britain
3 Khartoum
4 Northwest Frontier
5 55 Days at Peking
6 Operation Crossbow
7 Nixon
8 Night of the Generals
9 Hitler, the Last 10 Days
10 Crimson Tide

Recommended viewing for anyone interested in world domination.

Psychic Drivers

There seems to be an increasing number of car drivers on the road with the gift with second sight. They happily perform all manner of manoeuvres, without looking or signaling; safe in the knowledge that they can predict all possible road scenarios, and are protected from ever having or causing an accident.

Unfortunately, they assume that all other road users are equally blessed with this gift of second sight.

Newsflash guys, the rest of us don't have your gift; and would really appreciate it if you used your eyes and indicators in future.

Fat

Doctors are wont to despair at the high levels of fat in many peoples' diets.

They constantly harangue us about the risks of blocked arteries.

Piffle!

Fat is a lubcricant, like the oil in the engine of a car, the more fat in your arteries, the easier it will be for the blood to flow.

Obvious, isn't it?

Success

You will only succeed in life if you have an appetite so vast, that you could eat the world.