The Dangers of Television

Be careful what you do/say in front of your TV, lest the CIA be watching!

Advice To My Virgin Set Top Box

You had better stop arsing around, or else I will take an axe to you!

Advice To LG

Please make TV's that can actually be turned off by the power switch on the TV, rather than be left permanently on standby unless the mains is turned off.

Leaving a TV on standby wastes power, and presents a fire risk.

Question For TV Network Executives

Do you really think that the British public want to be subjected to three debates between Brown, Cameron and Clegg?

Modern Communications

The danger of the speed of our modern communications systems (eg internet, email, phone, video, TV etc), is that the advantages of news/information/data being disseminated in the blinking of an eye are more than outweighed by the disadvantage that our stone age brains cannot properly process or calmly react to the data.

Advice To The Media

Re Jacqui Smiths TV expenses, it's not the "adult" films that are the issue, it is the fact that she claimed expenses for which she had no entitlement.

Advice To Politvcal Fall Guys

When your boss hangs you out to dry in court, drop him and his superiors in it by revealing every shabby detail of their corrupt behaviour that you know.

You have nothing to lose.

TV Weather Presenters

Why do all TV weather presenters have to have such an inane fixed smile, even when the weather is awful?

Advice To The Elderly

I have observed that many elderly people seem to take a perverse pleasure in frightening themselves, by watching crime recreation shows on TV.

The result is that they are left feeling even more threatened and vulnerable, in other words their lives are adversely affected.

May I suggest that if this is the effect of watching these programmes, then you stop watching them?

TV Adverts

Why is that TV adverts are broadcast at a higher sound volume than the programmes that they interrupt?

Day Time TV

Valium for the masses.

Repetition

Try to avoid repeating yourself, it is a most tedious habit.

TV network programme schedulers would be well advised to follow this advice.

Advice to TV Network Executives

TV networks tend to pump out unstimulating, mindless papa these days. This is partly due to the desire by TV network executives to find cheap programming that appeals to the masses; and the fear of offending the group of small minded bigots, who makes it their life's work to look for programmes to complain about.

This "dumbing down" of output undermines the basic principles of what should constitute good broacasting. Namely, it should be:

- Challenging

- Stimulating

- Entertaining

Reality TV

Reality TV seeks ever new depths to plunge; placing people in extreme situations and pushing them to breaking point, for the delectation of the moronic masses.

The only pleasure that people derive from watching these programmes, is the pleasure derived from seeing others' humiliated.

They demean both the hapless participants, and the viewers.

Let us kill these dreadful programmes off once and for all, they are little better than bear baiting or gladiator contests of the past.

Vacuous Thinking

Genuine quote from a shopper interviewed on TV:

"I would quite like that bag, if I knew the brand name".

In other words, she only buys products for their brand name; the quality and style of the products are irrelevant.

The person has not the wit, or the confidence, to make up her own mind about the quality and design of the product; she needs the "crutch" of the brand name to help her make the decision.

My advice to you all is simple, break free from the tyranny of the marketing men and brand names; buy what you want, not what you are told to buy.

Teenage Yobs

The only way to tackle the teenage yob element in society is for parents to act as parents, and not to let their offspring run wild like feral animals.

The trouble is that many of the parents of these teenage yobs cannot be bothered; as it would simply be too much effort, and would distract them from their prime raison d'etre namely watching TV.

Here's the solution, ban both the parents and the kids from watching TV.

The vacuum in their lives, produced by the lack of their TV sedative, would force them to address the issue of their failure to act as responsible parents.

Weather Presenters

A note of advice to those TV weather presenters who do outside broadcasts.

When you are reading your script, and telling the disbelieving viewer that the weather is sunny and bright, may I suggest that you take a look up towards the sky before you speak.

Invariably, you will see that it is grey and overcast.

Attending to "little details" like that will make all the difference to the credibility of your broadcast.

Faddy Eating

There is a veritable smorgasbord of programmes on TV, that aim to improve the eating habits of the population.

They follow a standard format; whereby someone with an unhealthy diet is introduced to the novelties of fresh fruit, vegetables and fibre.

Invariably the human guinea pigs turn their noses up at the new diet. They protest, in the manner of a 3 year old, that they don't like or eat vegetables.

I am moved to question, how it is that these so called adults still act as though they are a 3 year old throwing a tantrum at the dining table; when made to eat something that they choose not to like?

The answer is simple, their parents failed them when they were bringing them up.

Instead of taking the harder route of making them eat what was put in front of them, they took the easy route and let them eat what they wanted.

The result; an immature, spoilt, fat and unhealthy adult.

Reality TV

The explosion of reality TV shows, featuring third rate wannabee celebrities with limited intellectual and social skills, clearly demonstrates that there is a dearth of creative talent in network TV.

The shows, their participants and their creators should be banished from our lives immediately.

Parenting

Parents are quick to blame others, society, TV and anything else that comes to mind for failings in the behaviour of their children.

However, remember this, the seed does not fall far from the tree.