Happy Halloween

Sandy Causes Chaos

People in Britain would do well not to ever moan about the weather here again, given what the USA frequently has to put up with!

Mondays

Start the week as you mean to go on, with a big plateful of roast beef with all the trimmings for lunch.

A Burden Shared

Sharing a burden invariably means spreading the shit around so that one's friends end up being covered in it as well.

Advice To Gym Changing Room Users

Flush the farking toilet after you have used it. No one else wishes to view your urine samples or faecal matter!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My head is not a pillow for you to rest on when I am sleeping.

Advice To Cheeky Buggers

Fuck Off!

The End of The Road

When the road runs out, stop driving.

Numbers

Unlike people, numbers don't lie.

Advice To Perfume Advertisers

How about, for once, creating an advert that people can fucking understand and that has at least some vague relevance to the bottles of scented cat's piss that you are trying to sell at extortionate prices!

Sound Business Advice

Turnover is vanity,

Profit is sanity,

Cash is reality!

Wise Cat

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Your "cat circus" performance of jumping, running and other assorted gymnastics is very good. However, please could you not do it on our bed at 4AM.

Happy Birthday Baroness Thatcher

Happy birthday Baroness Thatcher.

Hooray For Alcohol!

Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

Cat Barbers

Thanks To My Cat

Thank you for lending me one of your soft toys for use as a wrist rest to ease my RSI when using my computer.

Rain

The weather forecast said that the next few days were to be bright and warmer.

The reality?

Pissing down, grey and cold!

Do not trust the forecasters.

Log Fire

I award myself 2/10 for last night's pathetic effort at building a log fire, much smoke but precious little flame and heat.

Must do better next time!

Happy James Bond Day

Fifty years ago today "Dr No" was released.

Advice To Barmen

Make sure you insert the right credit/debit card in the payment machine and hand it to the right person, lest they end up blocking the card by entering their pin number on someone else's card!

Advice To Self

Don't wear a Drizabone heavy coat when carrying a net of logs up a very steep hill!

Advice To Businessmen

A moribund website is synonymous with a moribund company.

Apologies To My Cat

Apologies for running out of your food pouches, new stocks will be delivered tomorrow.

In the meantime, I trust that a tin of corned beef and 2kg of Iams is sufficient?