Consequences

One of the many failings of modern society, is the failure to teach its offspring that for every action taken there are consequences.

Without understanding that actions give rise to consequences, future generations are woefully unprepared for life; and all that it has to throw at them.

Swamps

Swamps and political parties are much alike.

Build a swamp, and watch the poisons hatch out; the same applies for political parties and their "inhabitants".

The Flame

The flame is always at its brightest just before it is extinguished.

Cigarettes

Have you ever considered how different the world would have been if Sir Walter Raleigh, when he brought back tobacco and potatoes to Britain in the 16th century, had told people to eat tobacco and smoke potatoes?

The Undiscovered Country

The future is the undiscovered country, towards which we should set our sights.

Do not dwell in the past, it has nothing to offer.

Old vs Young

There is a very simple reason for the age old battle between the young and the old.

The young don't know or care about what it is like to be old, and the old have forgotten what it is like to be young.

The Wheel

The wheel is one of mankind's most outstanding inventions.

Why is this?

Simple, it is one of the few ideas man has had which he did not copy from nature.

After all, how many animals do you see with wheels?

How to Eat Spaghetti

Many people are confused as to how they should eat spaghetti. I am happy to make a ruling on this matter.

Spaghetti should be eaten by twisting it around a fork, and slurping it into your mouth.

A plentiful supply of generously proportioned napkins should be on hand.

All clear?

Yorkshire Pudding

Yorkshire pudding should be cooked under the joint, in a roasting tray. This way it will absorb the juices and flavours of the meat, and remain flat like a pancake.

Yorkshire puddings that are cooked in individual moulds, separately from the meat, puff up and are bland and tasteless.

Pardon

The world would be a far more civilised place if people would say "pardon", instead of "what".

Peace in The Middle East

Peace in the Middle East will never be achieved, as long as the occupants of that troubled land are settling old scores from battles that ended several thousand years ago.

Knock it off guys; look to the future, and get on with your lives.

The Solution to Drunken Yobbery

I have thought long and hard about how to tackle the current epidemic of drunken yobbery, seen in many of our city centres each weekend.

I have now come up with the solution, which I ask to be implemented without delay.

Those convicted of drunken antisocial behaviour should have their foreheads stamped with an indelible ink message, for a period of time to be determined by the courts.

The message would read:

"I am a drunken yob"

Those people with this sign on their foreheads would be refused admission to pubs and clubs. Those pubs and clubs that were found to be allowing them access, would have their licences revoked.

At the end of the punishment period, the sign would be removed.

Simple, cheap but 100% effective!

Green Leaves

As much as I may like the colour green, I find the preponderance of this colour in nature to be excessive.

I would like to see a more pleasing selection of colours.

Arrange this someone please.

Time Waits for No Man

Time waits for no man, or so the saying goes.

However, if this is the case, how is it that my alarm clock has stopped working?

Reality TV

The explosion of reality TV shows, featuring third rate wannabee celebrities with limited intellectual and social skills, clearly demonstrates that there is a dearth of creative talent in network TV.

The shows, their participants and their creators should be banished from our lives immediately.

Legs

Legs are a brilliant invention.

They are an economical, environmentally friendly and efficient method of getting from A to B.

Use them more often, instead of your car.

Supermarkets

Supermarkets stock overpriced "plastic" food that, in the case of meat, is far too fresh.

Use farmers' markets, and good butcher's shops, instead.

Money

Too much is not enough!

The Essence of Man

What does it take to change the essence of man?

Time.

Reality

Reality is to be faced, not avoided.

Pull your heads out of the sand, and walk boldly and confidently towards your destiny.

Pigeons

Pigeons have the entire planet to fly around, and use as their toilet; yet they choose Trafalgar Square as their defecation point of choice.

Why?

Fibre

Make sure that you include plenty of fibre in your diet. This is of great benefit, and assistance, to your bowels.

Healthy bowels mean a healthy life, and a sunny and cheerful disposition.

The Cornish Pasty

Let us sing the praises of the Cornish Pasty. A pastry pillow parcel filled with meat, potatoes, onions and vegetables.

One of the world's first fast foods; and infinitely more nutritious, tasty and wholesome.

Eat one today!

Water

Water finds its own level, or so the saying goes.

If that is the case, why is it that it is always raining in the UK but never in the Atlantic?

The Perfect Exam Answer

A candidate, sitting a history exam, was asked to write all that he knew about Henry III.

He wrote nothing.

Now that is the perfect answer, and deserves a score of 100%.

The Perfect Exam

Educational experts, businessmen and politicians constantly bicker about what constitutes a good method of examining and grading students.

Forget about three hour structured tests and case studies, that focus on peoples' abilities to regurgitate "crammed" facts.

Put the candidate in a room for 24 hours, with an unlimited supply of paper. Ask the candidate to write all he/she knows about absolutely everything.

Now that's the perfect exam.

Patience

It is often said that patience is a virtue.

However, there are those who seek to take advantage of this by relying on peoples' natural reluctance to complain about poor service and late deliveries.

So don't always be patient, stand up and complain.