Butt Baring

I cannot understand the predilection amongst a certain strata of society for baring their butts at the drop of a hat.

No one wishes to see the pale, flabby and spotty arses of these ignorant people.

Football

I see no logic, nor have I any empathy, for the passions and tribalism aroused by this game.

Religion

The weaker a religion becomes, in terms of support and theological underpinning, the more paranoid its actions and statements.

Society

There are those who seek to blame "society" for the breakdown in law and order, the rise in drug taking and the rowdy behaviour of teenagers.

This is an easy way to avoid responsibility.

The people who blame society would be well to remember that they comprise society, therefore by blaming society they are in fact blaming themselves.

The bottom line is this, in order to improve society you will have to get off your backsides and do something about it yourselves.

Change

Change is best brought about when the pressure for change is so great, that it cannot be resisted.

The trigger is usually a catastrophic event such as; a war, death or economic collapse.

Those who seek to bring about change via consensus will, more often than not, find that their efforts are doomed to failure.

Nostalgia

Those who wallow in nostalgia, and yearn for a mythical past when everything was "better" than now, are deluding themselves.

Growth and development can only be achieved by looking forward to the future, not by wallowing in the past.

Advice To The Elderly

I have observed that many elderly people seem to take a perverse pleasure in frightening themselves, by watching crime recreation shows on TV.

The result is that they are left feeling even more threatened and vulnerable, in other words their lives are adversely affected.

May I suggest that if this is the effect of watching these programmes, then you stop watching them?

Advice To Criminals and Conmen

Devote your energies and intellectual powers to performing an honest day's work.

You will find this infinitely more rewarding, both financially and spiritually, than your criminal endeavours.

Additionally, you will not end up in jail.

Computers

Computers are only as good as the people who program them.

Cold Calling

The next time that your receive a cold call from a company trying to sell you something, that you don't want, ask the operative for their private number.

Explain that you would like to discuss this matter with them, at a time that is more convenient for you.

When they object, saying that it may not be convenient for them, tell them that now they know what you feel like about being disturbed.

Restaurant Air Conditioning

Restaurants that have their air conditioning set too high, make the restaurant feel like a refrigerator.

They should be aware that if I wished to eat in a refrigerator, then I would simply climb into my Electrolux and dine there.

Being British

Being British is not dependent on your place of birth, or your genetic background; it is a state of mind.

Great Lies of Today

"We welcome your review, and look forward to your report".

Great Lies of Today

"We really value your opinion"

Air Miles

What, may I ask, is the point of collecting air miles; if you cannot use them for flights that actually go to where you want to go, when you want to go there?

Non Stick Pans

If non stick pans are so "non stick", why is it that their labels are so difficult to remove?

The Purpose of Existence

The purpose of existence is to grow and develop, without growth and development atrophy and decay set in.

As such it is essential that you set yourself goals, and achievements.

At the end of each day you should be able to say to yourself, "today I achieved the following.."

The Sun

Why does the sun always come out, and shine brightly, when you are working?

Yet as soon as you finish work, it goes away?

The Vision Thing

Politicians are very fond of regaling us with their vision of the future.

Gandiose plans for social and environmental engineering are placed before us, in the expectation that we will "buy into the dream".

There is one significant shortcoming to these plans, and the politicians' vison of "utopia".

The plans have 5-10 year time horizons, yet the average shelf life of a politician is 2 years or less.

In other words the plans will never come to fruition, because the person who originated them will have gone elsewhere and will be thinking up new plans.

Twenty First Century Instruments of Torture

Voice controlled computer menu systems.

Good Manners

I cannot emphasise too strongly the necessity for people to practice good manners. Society will only function effectively, if people show courtesy and consideration to others.

Therefore, the next time that someone does you a favour or helps you in any way, do remember to say thank you.

Great Lies of Today

No one has ever complained to us before about that.