Advice To FIFA

When selecting the next England team and manager, opt for those who are paid considerably less than the current "stars". That way they will have the incentive to actually try to play/manage, in order to better their chances of future wealth.

Advice To The Co-op

When running a competition that requires people to look for a code allegedly printed inside a sticky label, ensure that the printing firm that you select to print these labels is up to the job.

Question for Obstructionists

Saying "no" is easy.

When are you going to contribute a creative and helpful idea?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please remember to bring your credit card with you the next time we take you to the vet, otherwise "daddy" will always end up having to pay for you.

Advice To Directors

Read previous board minutes in order to avoid historical inaccuracies.

Advice To Stonehenge Solstice Revellers

Pick up your litter!

Honour

There are some people who regard those who act with "honour" as being weak. This view is erroneous, and will "blow back" on those who hold it.

Moral Fibre

Those who make excuses when the ordure hits the airconditioning, reveal how lacking they are in moral fibre.

Advice To Nat West

Re your new customer charter, it would be wise to practice what you preach before publicising this document so widely.

Farewell The Tripartite System

It will not be missed.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My jumper is not your mum's nipples.

Advice To Barack Obama

When berating BP about causing environmental damage, do not forget that the US military in Iraq has caused massive environmental damage too, from toxic substances in the ordinance used, which is not just poisoning the land but also the people who live in the affected areas.

I could also mention Union Carbide, but that was before your time.

Advice To The Awarders of "Gongs"

Don't reward failure.

Economic Sanctions

Economic (non military) sanctions are the last resort of the powerless and angry.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Moths are no substitute for a healthy balanced diet of Iams and Felix.

Advice To Self Employed Artisans

Sort out your child care arrangements before making bookings with clients.

Advice To Liars and Conmen

When spinning a lie, for heaven's sake remember to make sure that it is consistent and cannot be contradicted by those who you interact with (or who interact with each other).

Advice To Residential Property Boards

Focus on the important issues, do not use your position/role to pursue petty gripes and issues.

How To Spot A Conman

He insists on paying for a large value company order in cash.

Advice To Conmen

Don't try to free ride other companies' publicity by not answering press enquiries asking for confirmation that a story may refer to your organisation.

Beer Barrels

There is something very reassuring hearing the sound of the beer barrels being delivered to our nearby pub every Wednesday morning, even the cat likes to watch from the bedroom window.

Advice To Leaders

Don't start fires in locked rooms.