Ongoing Advice To My Cat

When you run upstairs at breakneck speed, please do remember that there is a wall at the top of the stairs. I am sure that you constantly running, head first, into that wall cannot be doing you any good at all.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

I am still trying to enter your photo into the Gourmet cat portrait competition.

However, owing to the fact that the Gourmet site doesn't work properly, I cannot log in to upload your photo.

Gourmet advise me that their technical experts are now looking into it.

I will let you know if they ever fix the problem and I am able to upload your picture.

Advice To Train Companies

Those of you who are thinking of reducing costs, by removing toilets from some of your services, may care to remember that even cattle being transported by rail for slaughter are given straw to shit on.

What Goes Around

Those who revel in inflicting death and destruction on others, one day end up on the receiving end.

Put The Candle Out

There comes a time for those in mourning over the death of a loved one, the break up of a relationship or related life traumas (eg loss of a job) where they need to "put the candle out", before it uses up all the oxygen.

Question For The Government

Why have you increased the overseas aid budget yet, at the same time, cut back on the domestic budget?

Question

When is an aircraft carrier not an aircraft carrier?

Answer: When it has no planes that it can use.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Our house guest has gone back to his own home now, staring at the chair in which he sat won't bring him back.

Advice To Brighton Council

Beware high profile building projects, into which you have "invested political capital", the timescale of which are "very much in the laps of the banks".

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

I am delighted that you enjoy playing with your toy moose that Eva brought you back from Sweden. However, when playing with it at 4am please could you not do so in our bedroom and on our bed.

Advice To Governments and Diplomats

Slamming a door in someone else's face may mean that you are unable to walk through it later.

Wrinkles

Just as a wrinkle in a suit tells more about the wearer than a suit that is perfectly pressed, so do people's character flaws.

Iterative Text

Complete and utter bollocks, I spurn it as I would spurn a rabid dog!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

There really is nothing of interest to you up the chimney...honest!

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please don't stare excessively at our guests when they are eating their breakfast, it disconcerts them.

Question For My Cat

Why did you not eat the piece of salmon I poached for you?

Question For The BBC

Why on earth does your "Southern Region" include Oxford and its environs?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Please wipe your mouth/nose occasionally during periods of protracted purring, in order to lessen the amount of dribble that you deposit on me.

Over Engineering

Over engineered processes are bound to fail.