Advice To Politicians' Tailors

When tailoring suits for well known politicians, always allow room in the jacket for the following:

-A wire
-A bullet proof undergarment
-A brace to improve posture

Sloppy tailoring exposes these devices to the prying eyes of the press, and the hapless politician to the ridicule and contempt of the public.

Please and Thank You

Life would be made much more pleasant, and less fractious, if people remembered to use the phrases "please" and "thank you" more often.

Improve the quality of your life, and of those around you, use "please" and "thank you" today.

Life on Earth

Life on earth can be categorised into the following hierarchy, number 1 being the top:

1 Human beings
2 Animals
3 Plants
4 Bacteria
5 Estate agents
6 Recruitment consultants

Astrology

Bunkum and Balderdash!

Ginger

Ginger is a most marvellous substance.

It adds flavour and body to your food. Additionally, it is excellent for the digestion; soothing many stomach troubles.

Let's hear it for Ginger!

No More Excuses

When things don't go your way, and life serves you a plate of shit, don't blame others or society.

Identify the causes of the problem, and take the appropriate corrective measures.

Playing the "blame game" is merely an excuse to avoid addressing your own personal issue.

Commercial Space Travel

The prospect of "ordinary people" being able to travel in space, if they are rich enough, has moved one step closer.

You can count me out, travelling by plane is uncomfortable and inconvenient enough. The mere thought of being weightless in a cramped rocket, would render the inconsequential sick bag more than inadequate.

History

Those that ignore their history are very often run over by it.

Weather Presenters

A note of advice to those TV weather presenters who do outside broadcasts.

When you are reading your script, and telling the disbelieving viewer that the weather is sunny and bright, may I suggest that you take a look up towards the sky before you speak.

Invariably, you will see that it is grey and overcast.

Attending to "little details" like that will make all the difference to the credibility of your broadcast.

Honour

Those that don't honour agreements, made in good faith, are worthless individuals who deserve to be ostracised by society.

Cheating

We were always told at school that cheating in exams was wrong.

Yet, those who get away with it are in fact demonstrating creative thinking and above average intelligence.

Cheating should be encouraged by schools.

Celebrities

Celebrities are lauded in the media, and by their adoring fans; we are led to believe that their every action, and utterance, is of the utmost importance.

Yet what precisely is a celebrity?

Here is a simple definition:

A celebrity is an empty vessel, into which the media and public pour their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions.