Advice To Journalists

When the messenger becomes the story, then the message somewhat loses its impact!

Question For Train Operating Companies

Given that you already treat your weekday passengers like shit (wrt eg punctuality, overcrowding, on board facilities, prices etc) why do you treat your passengers who travel on Sundays even more abysmally?

Advice To PR Companies

Make sure you are actually following your own policies (wrt "newsworthy items"), before you lecture others on the subject.

Great Lies Of The 21st Century

Greek bondholders are close to reaching a deal with the Greek government.

Advice To Businessmen

Don't work with people you don't trust.

Question For Cyclists

Why do you think that the basic rules of the road (eg stopping at red lights, and stopping at give way junctions) don't apply to you?

Guilt and Fear

Where does guilt end and fear begin?

Great Lies of The 21st Century

"We may record your call for quality and training purposes".

Advice To Shop Assistants

"Cloves" are a spice, not items of apparel!

Great Lies of The 21st Century

"Your call is important to us".

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

The hiss of a fizzy water bottle being opened does not constitute a threat to your safety.

Christmas Decorations Finally Down

Hoozah!

We have finally taken down all our Christmas decorations, and taken the tree to the local recycling dump.

Advice To Chefs

Don't serve stale bread with soup, and don't serve raw potatoes with your main course.

Great Con Tricks of The 21st Century - The Beauty Industry

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Advice To The Tory Party

Go easy on Ed, you need him more than you need some of your own people.

Effective Stress Management Technique

Identify the cause of your stress, then shout at it very very loudly.

Problem solved!

Question For RBS

Why does it take up to six weeks for a Euro cheque drawn on the Ulster Bank (one of your brands) to clear into a sterling account of the NatWest (another one of your brands)?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

You don't like mince pies!

Advice To Diane Abbott

Read sections 17 to 29 of the Public Order Act 1986.

They cover deliberately provoking hatred of a racial group, distributing racist material to the public, and inciting inflammatory rumours about an ethnic group, for the purpose of spreading racial discontent.

The Lie of Omission

A deliberate omission of facts is as much of a lie as a deliberate misstatement of facts.

How To Recognise a Failing Business

When a statistically significant number of staff have the affectation "Vice President" tagged onto their job title.