Ken's Christmas Crackers - Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Christmas Wouldn't Be Christmas Without a Little Bit of Fanny!

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Christmas Cards

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - The Christmas Fairy

 

Don't forget to top your Christmas tree off with the traditional Christmas Fairy!

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Less Is More!

 

 If less is more, imagine how much more more would be!

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Moth Stuffing

 

Those of you with a yen for something a little more exotic that the traditional sage and onion stuffing, should try Tesco's moth stuffing.

Tesco Finest Apple & Cranberry Stuffing Mix may be "unfit for human consumption", the retailer warned via the Food Standards Agency.

Customers can return the 130g packets without a receipt for a full refund, said Tesco, which apologised for the inconvenience.

The stuffing batch has a best before date of September 2024.

"We are recalling a single batch of Tesco Finest Apple & Cranberry Stuffing Mix due to the possible presence of moths which makes the product unfit for human consumption," Tesco said in the recall notice.

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Stock Up On The Mayo

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - You Can Never Have Too Much Gravy!

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Erecting Your Tree

 

Always remember to put your tree on a firm base and stable base, lest it falls over!

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Butter Your Bird!

 

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a well buttered bird, ready for a bit of stuffing, being the highpoint of the day!

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Staging The Nativity Scene

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Local Council Christmas Trees

 

Ken's Christmas Crackers - One Month To Go!

 

Happy 60th Birthday To Doctor Who

 

Bernard Manning Threatens To Invade The Falklands

 

Just in🔥

Argentina's new president has vowed to 'get the Falklands back', saying it is 'non-negotiable' for Britain to hand them over despite the overwhelming majority of people living there wanting to stay British. pic.twitter.com/ixZ2DElzYM

— UNN (@UnityNewsNet) November 21, 2023

Ken's Christmas Crackers - The Joy of Christmas Lights

 

Time Warp Alert!

 

Yesterday David Cameron came back to the Cabinet.

Today, Toby Carvery is trending on Twitter.

 

These are clear signs of a time warp!

If The Hat Doesn't Fit

 

If the hat doesn't fit, don't do the job!

Ken's Christmas Crackers - Sprouts

 

As there are less than six weeks until Christmas, remember to start boiling your sprouts now; so that they have had all the goodness, colour and texture drained out of them and are then perfect for Christmas Day!

COVID Inquiry Summarised

 

The covid inquiry findings can basically be summed up as:

"Lockdowns are terrible, so what we should've done was lock down harder, earlier, and for longer."

Make it make sense! pic.twitter.com/RqoMo6HLoV

— The Calculator (@ThePocketCalc) November 1, 2023

Advice To The BBC

 

 Before your reporters are allowed to spread bollocks, ascertain the facts first, that way they won't have to lock their Twitter accounts a few hours later when it is ascertained they were talking bollocks!

The state of @BBCNews The ‘journalist’ has to lock his account because his misreporting & inability to work out what was Hamas propaganda and fact, will cost lives. He should be sacked, as well as biased @BBCArabic ‘journalists’

The fall of @BBCNews as a credible source is epic https://t.co/i11L0n2scM

— Dominic Farrell (@DominicFarrell) October 18, 2023

Peace

 

Peace is systemic, not contractual!

As such, peace treaties aren't worth the paper they are printed on.

Happy Friday The 13th!

 

Advice To The FA - F Off!

 

 

How ironic that an organisation that has no problem with people taking the knee for an American drug damaged criminal, won't show solidarity with a country that has just suffered a devastating atrocity.

Coal Fired Electric Bus Unveiled

 

Electric bus on fire in clean air zone 🤔 pic.twitter.com/mrYKy6gNVP

— Milky (@jon68806333) October 9, 2023

FFS!

 

The Sycamore Tree Feller Identified

 

Brillo Pads

 

 A cold shower followed by a brisk rub down with a Brillo pad is a most efficacious way to start your day!

Meanwhile On Rightmove..

 

https://t.co/IVii19iA8l

Estate agent: So everything’s ready for me upstairs to take pictures for the online listing?

Them: Yep, no problem. All done, we’ve even given the bum dungeon bed a good wipe with Pledge and hoovered the straps pic.twitter.com/d5xYgSKQYD

— Ted Branston (@tedbranston) September 26, 2023

Consensus

 

Consensus usually gives rise to the worst decisions and plans.

Question For The Media

 

Who else are you covering up for?

One of Our Aircraft is Missing

 

Preparations Underway To Dump Biden Before The Election

More evidence that something fundamental is happening in US mainstream media. It’s started reporting some news accurately and fairly … for ABC News to say Trump’s Georgia prosecutor is just throwing things against the wall is quite something. https://t.co/muewMBcRYo

— Andrew Neil (@afneil) September 15, 2023

Removing Biden is the most effective way to neutralise Trump.

Advice To BBC Disinformation Correspondents

‘According to the New European, the BBC’s disinformation correspondent Marianna Spring was allegedly caught embellishing her CV when applying for a job in 2018.’

✍️ Steerpike https://t.co/VORRecvQFD

— The Spectator (@spectator) September 8, 2023

 

Don't lie on your CV!

Summer Has Finally Arrived in The UK!

 

As is the tradition, now that the kids have gone back to school (those that aren't in danger of imminent collapse anyway), summer has finally arrived in the UK!

Kill a Tree in 23, Kill One More in 24!

 

It is apparent that some people and some organisations are making a hell of a load of money out of the great climate change con!

Past Your Sell By Date

BREAKING: Senator Mitch McConnell appearing to have another freezing episodepic.twitter.com/oqthEUvF2Q

— The Spectator Index (@spectatorindex) August 30, 2023

Like it or not, there comes a time when we each of us become to old and decrepit to function in a high pressure environment.

You do yourself, and others, no favours by staying on beyond your sell by date.

Advice To Putin's Double

Putin forgot he wears his watch on his right hand.
Or that isn't Putin?

What's going on? pic.twitter.com/oINZO8UJWO

— Anton Gerashchenko (@Gerashchenko_en) August 22, 2023

 

Putin wears his watch on his right hand!

Advice To The BBC

 

powered cargo ships and wind powered sails have been around since the year dot!

Happy Apocalypse Eve!

 

2 days left.

Civilization ends on August 18th.

I will be heading for a cave in central US tomorrow.

This week has been spent preparing my family and warning others.

Nibiru approaches.

The Adam and Eve story will repeat (again).

Good Luck.

Xhttps://t.co/uZQBzVz72W pic.twitter.com/1WMT63VJcN

— Mike Buckner, MBA (@ShabezJr) August 16, 2023

FAKE SAGE Proves Why Masks Don't Work

 

🚨 Masks don't work?@trishgreenhalgh takes on the claim.#mythbuster pic.twitter.com/QNAACMAgjW

— Independent SAGE (@IndependentSage) August 14, 2023

For those that are slow witted:

1 People can't wear masks 24/7 

2 The majority of masks worn by normal people were cloth or the crap ones demonstrated in the video

3 Covid is an endemic airborne virus, it ain't going nowhere and people are not going to wear masks 24/7 for the rest of their lives.

A plan that cannot be executed, because it relies on 100% perfect laboratory conditions, is a crap plan!

Having Your Climate Cake and Eating It!

  

You cannot simultaneously go for solar power and block the sun!

Advice To Footballers

 

 Don't stamp on the other players!

Global Boiling My Piss

 

In an unexpected development it has actually stopped raining today!

Clearly a sign of global boiling!

ESG Is BOLLOCKS!

 

Don't fall for the hype of ESG, those who promote it will be out of work soon enough!

In 2021, Saudi Aramco raised $28 billion by selling bonds. These bonds were marketed as ESG-compliant, even though Saudi Aramco is a major producer of fossil fuels.

How did this happen? 

Well, there is a loophole in the way that ESG funds are regulated. These funds are not required to exclude companies that produce fossil fuels, as long as those companies meet certain ESG criteria.

In the case of Saudi Aramco, the company was able to meet these criteria by creating a complex web of financial structures. 

Aramco created two special purpose vehicles (SPVs) to issue the bonds. These SPVs had no direct links to Aramco, so they were able to get an above-average score in a widely used ESG screening.

As a result, the bonds were included in JPMorgan's ESG indexes, which are tracked by about $40 billion of assets under management. This meant that ESG investors were unknowingly investing in Aramco.

These structures allowed Saudi Aramco to sell its bonds without actually having to change its business practices.

This loophole is a major problem for the ESG investing industry. It allows companies like Saudi Aramco to greenwash their image and attract investment from ESG funds.

Happy Yorkshire Day!

 

Advice To Antonio Guterres

 

The world is not boiling, but you are definitely boiling my piss!

Has Nigel Farage Touched Your Clitoris?

 

Advice To Bankers

 

Be careful who you blab your mouth off to about clients' bank accounts when sitting next to journalists at dinner!

Life and Photographs

 

 Life is like a photograph, use the negative to develop something positive!

This Will End In Tears!

 

Free Cheese

 

The only free cheese in life is the cheese that you find in a mouse trap!

Advice To Banks

 

Don't waste time and money on woke bollocks, focus on the bottom line.

Go woke, go broke!

The Media Recruits New Weather Reporter

 

Boris, I Know Your Password!

 

It's 1234!

Meanwhile at The BBC

 

Feed Your Inner Demons

 

Always remember to feed your inner demons, otherwise they will become cranky!

Happy Independence Day!

 

American fireworks never disappoint 😂 pic.twitter.com/4V7sMMUCfG

— StacyLand (@saburnet33) June 28, 2023

Weekend Break Suggestion

A man calmly eating his sandwich in the middle of riots 🤦🏻‍♂️😃

#Marseille #émeutes #Nahel #Nanterre #Marsilya Fransa #France #Frankreich #emeutes #EidAlAdha #Paris Macron #hayirlicumalar
pic.twitter.com/qTqO4oE66D

— Musa Kayrak (@musakayrak) June 30, 2023

 

 Paris seems nice!

The Debasement of Science

 

There was a time when science was sought to solve problems. 

Scientists worked tirelessly to find cures for diseases, develop new technologies, and improve our understanding of the world around us. However, in recent years, science has taken a darker turn. Instead of finding solutions, it seems to be more interested in restricting our lives.

Sadly now, with the cult of climate change and covid paranoia, science is being used to restrict our lives and regulate our personal choices. In the name of public health, governments are banning certain foods, drugs, and other substances and threatening passport controls/lockdowns in the event of future endemic diseases. 

Whilst the cult of climate change (egged on science) seeks to impose restrictions on our travel, leisure and our work.

Science has been debased, we need to ensure that we resist those who seek to use it to restrict our freedoms.