Advice To The Twonk Who Threw Up on The London To Brighton Train Last Night

1 Drink less if you can't handle your drink

2 Apologising then running off is lame, clean up your mess

3 The train had toilets, use them next time

4 Grow up

Advice To Prime Ministers

Keynesian "spend your way out of recession" policies only work when you have the money to spend.

Advice To Prime Ministers

Don't take credit for financial bailout plans that have been thought up, and put together, by your chancellor.

Great Lies of The 21st Century

"It will take you just minutes to set up your wireless network".

Government

When the government says that it is not in the business of running banks, rest assured that it will not give up its newly acquired stakes without a fight.

Advice To Waiters

Write the customer's order down, don't try to remember it in a pathetic attempt to show off.

Advice To McCain

Using old style racist terms*, to describe your opponent, is scummy even by your standards.

*"The other one" is an old style term of racial abuse once used in Florida.

Advice To Governments of Small Countries

Don't give guarantees that you cannot hope to honour.

Advice To Gordon Brown

Bringing back a twice resigned minister who hates you does not send a positive message to the country about the state of the nation, cabinet or your own self confidence in being able to do your job.

Advice To Sarah Palin

Education is a good thing, looking down your nose at people who are better educated and more knowledgeable than you makes you come across as a small town hick with chip on your shoulder.

Trying to be "cute" doesn't disguise that.

Hardly VP material!

Advice To Congress

Now that your electorate has realised that falling shares and collapsing banks impact Main Street, don't drop the ball again on your second vote today.

Hell on Earth

Moving two houses in the same week!