Elections

Question: When is an election not an election?

Answer: When it is held in Afghanistan and the other contender pulls out.

Question To LA Fitness Brighton

What is the point of being a member of your club if the pool and spa are closed and, on top of that, you have no towels?

Question To The Gnomes Running The EU

How can you appoint a President of Europe without asking the people of Europe who they want to be their president?

Advice To LA Fitness Brighton

Remember to turn the sauna on each day folks, it works a little better when it is hot!

The Real World - Advice To Roger Gale MP

On BBC Breakfast yesterday Roger Gale MP, repeated calls for Sir Christopher Kelly to publish his report, now it has been leaked, saying that he could not comment as he did not know what Sir Christopher was recommending.

He then added: "I've heard one comment, which I think is absolutely ludicrous, to the effect that apparently somebody living an hour's train ride from London will not be allowed to have a base in London.

Now, that doesn't affect me, but it will affect quite a lot of people, and I just don't believe that Kelly lives in the real world, I don't think he knows what kind of hours we work or what kind of job we do. We've tried to tell him, but he doesn't appear to have listened."

Maybe perfectly true Mr Gale, wrt hours of work etc.

However, many real world voters have to spend many miserable hours each day commuting using a decaying transport system. They will not give one jot about your "hours of work", but will question whether you live in the "real world" wrt your comment about needing base in London for a train ride of one hour.

The voters will conclude that it is you who does not live in "real world".

Advice To Tony Blair

Don't let Brown canvass for you, if you really do want to become El Presidente of Europe; it will be the kiss of death to your campaign.

Etiquette

Those who claim to posses a thorough knowledge of etiquette are not necessarily well mannered, pleasant or good company.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Why are you allowing a fat cat to come in and eat your food?

The Mysteries of The PC

Why, when turning off your pc do you have to click the "start" icon?

Advice To Jurors

Don't convict someone based on what the bible "tells you" to do.

Advice To Weather Balloon Owners III

Don't involve your children in your publicity stunts.

Advice To Weather Balloon Owners II

Tether your balloon securely.