Advice To Channel 4 News

Don't try to interview people standing by airport runways.

Advice To Alan Sugar

Before selecting the final 16 candidates for The Apprentice "reality" show, check their CVs first.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Given that you are now 3.5kg, please could you refrain from using my stomach as a trampoline at night when I am trying to sleep.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

When running frantically up the stairs, at the same time as I am walking up them, please remember that my legs are solid objects that you cannot pass through; you need to divert around my legs in order to get to the top first.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My nose is not a doorbell to be pressed/patted when you are trying to wake me up, or grab my attention, in the morning.

Advice To Southern Rail

It would be really nice if you guys fixed the automatic door of the toilet on the train that I had the misfortune to travel on yesterday, so that it actually closes when people are using it.

Advice To Airlines

Avoid serving curry and fish on the same flight.

Governments

Governments and politicans are the cause, not the solution, of problems.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

What is it with you and the fireplace chimney?

Honestly, there is nothing up there!

Life

Life is like a pair of shoes, it takes a while to "wear it and break it in" before it begins to feel comfortable.

Advice To Litigators

A man cannot pay with his hearse, only with his purse.

Question For The Media

Why on earth are you so surprised that Russia won the right to host the 2018 World Cup?

They were the favourites from the start.