New Year Resolutions

Avoid all New Year resolutions, they are never kept.

Merry Christmas

I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a peaceful and prosperous 2011.

Question For The Liberal Democrats

If you really hate the coalition that much, why are you in it?

Advice To Vince Cable

Declarations of war tend only to be effective if made publicly, rather than "on the sly" to young giggly female reporters posing as constituents.

Advice To Channel 4 News

Don't try to interview people standing by airport runways.

Advice To Alan Sugar

Before selecting the final 16 candidates for The Apprentice "reality" show, check their CVs first.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

Given that you are now 3.5kg, please could you refrain from using my stomach as a trampoline at night when I am trying to sleep.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

When running frantically up the stairs, at the same time as I am walking up them, please remember that my legs are solid objects that you cannot pass through; you need to divert around my legs in order to get to the top first.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat

My nose is not a doorbell to be pressed/patted when you are trying to wake me up, or grab my attention, in the morning.

Advice To Southern Rail

It would be really nice if you guys fixed the automatic door of the toilet on the train that I had the misfortune to travel on yesterday, so that it actually closes when people are using it.

Advice To Airlines

Avoid serving curry and fish on the same flight.

Governments

Governments and politicans are the cause, not the solution, of problems.