Question To Fred "The Shred" Goodwin

Is £650K per annum really worth all the fuss and collateral damage to your name?

Steak and Kidney Pudding

A magnificent dish, which is best enjoyed and digested when consumed before 10:00PM.

Flabbermouth

Beware the flabbermouth the gushes forth information at the most inappropriate moments to the most inappropriate people.

Advice To Somerfield

Ensure that at least one member of staff is available to man your deli counter.

Advice To East Croydon Train Station

Turn the volume up on your public address system, it is of little use if people cannot hear it!

Great Con Tricks of The 21st Century

BT's £4.50 payment processing fee.

Empty Vessels

Empty vessels are soon filled, beware what they are filled with!

Ravel's Bolero

Truly the most annoying piece of music ever written.

Advice To Spammers

Dear Spammers,

My thanks for the 200 plus messages of concern that you have sent me over the last 24 hours wrt the size, and performance, of my "wang".

However, please rest assured that my "wang" works perfectly satisfactorily and is of sufficient size to do the job required of it.

Thank you for your concern!

Please discontinue your spamming.

Age

Age is no guarantee of wisdom, people can still behave remarkably stupidly whatever their age.

Advice To John Prescott

Rescinding bankers' bonus contracts may satisfy a short term political desire for "class revenge". However, do remember that you once fought for the right for "workers" to have contracts too.

Being Right

Being right is not always enough, and can be a burden.

Advice To Train Companies

Stop hiring managers who are adept at apologising.

Start hiring managers who are competent, and adept at running an efficient service.

Advice To Celebrities

Don't fly too close to the flame of fame, it will most surely burn your wings.

Advice To Trains Companies

During "bad" weather don't advise your customers to check for the latest train cancellations on your websites, if the websites themselves cannot cope with the demand.

Snow

Britain has shown the world, yet again, how unprepared it is for adverse weather conditions. Yesterday all London buses, most tube lines, most train services and Gatwick/Heathrow failed to operate.

A remarkable failure given that most of these services (airports excluded) were able run during the war, even at the height of the Blitz.

Advice To Councils

Given that the heavy snowfall from Russia was well predicted and reported, it might have been wise to have prepared (eg gritted the roads) a little more proactively.